“Silly hat? Generic Buddy Holly specs? Trainers not done up properly? Cheese roll for breakfast? Yep, just another day in the life of a cockney superstar.”

Carefully mismatched clothing?

“Whoever does a star-jump first will definitely return next week to sing more shitty songs.”

Desire

“Is that Louis? Right, fuck you for making me sing Ricky Martin the other week. I hate that tacky nightclub lothario bullshit.”

Well managed

“I enjoy suckling the teet of Simon Cowell’s PR mammary.”

Twat

Black Hawk Down (2001 dir. Ridley Scott)

Christianity loses a gun battle against Islam.

3/5