BREAKING NEWS: Simon Cowell set to earn ‘shitloads’ in 2011

10 Jan

By Slick Nick

Pop Peelings can exclusively reveal that contrary to popular belief, music mogul Simon Cowell’s expected income for 2011 will be precisely ‘shitloads’, according to leaked documents.

The perenial sperm-provider to malnourished women will make the money through various television and music dealings that the public will know about through a carefully managed PR strategy later in the year, which will likely have a spot of pro war propaganda thrown in for good measure.

Cowell’s hit TV show X Factor, in which various multi-millionairres crush the dreams of low income families in front of a live audience of halfwits, is expected to launch in the USA in a deal reportedly worth ‘a fuck ton of dolla’.

The star, 73, is well known in media circles for having a taste for fast cars, faster women, and mind-numbingly bad music.

He said: ‘You can never have enough money. My Bugatti isn’t exactly a Renault Clio, you know.’

‘It’s just a shame you can’t fuel it with children’s tears. A damn shame.’

He is currently rumoured to be seeking planning permission to build a Scrooge McDuck style money bin next to one of his properties in a location that most people will never be able to afford to visit.

When asked about what he plans to spend his hard-earned money on, cowell replied: ‘Wine, women and song. And probably the DVD collection of Only Fools And Horses. Uncle Albert cracks me up.’

Is the Syco head taking fewer risks with old age? Insiders at the label are claiming that with 2011′s X Factor, Cowell will simply have the winner record a cover version of the previous week’s number one selling single, virtually eliminating any doubt whatsoever that his latest signee will have the much saught after Christmas number one.

He remarked: ‘I am certainly still a risk-taker.’

‘There’s a difference between not taking risks and just being damn lazy.’

Simon Cowell’s acts have releases out at the moment and these can be found in most substandard music collections.

Agree? Disagree? Discuss.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: