CV Tip #84 (Imbecile)

The covering letter is supposed to be an opportunity for you to sell yourself, to grab the attention of a recruiter and make your CV a mouth-watering prospect. You should include some details on what appeals to you about the new organisation, what you’ve achieved in your current organisation and when you can interview or start your next role.

Stating on an electronic application ‘I don’t understand the question’ when given the chance to write said letter online will only give the impression to the recruiter that you are a total and utter fucking imbecile.

CV Tip #89 (A word to the wise)

Think very carefully before puting an email address like a variation of wise_n_wise@… especially if your last employer was the fucking Pound Shop.

In 2009.

CV Tip #44 (Jackanory)

Even stating at the end of a CV that you like reading fiction books is pretty sad.

So for the love of fucking Christ do not under any circumstances say you like reading ‘story books‘.

CV Tip #86 (Great works of fiction)

‘My reading is not just limited to fictional books‘

Fucking brilliant. I’d love to know how one goes about reading a book that doesn’t exist.

It’s a shame one of the books in your extensive library isn’t the Oxford English Dictionary – that way you’d learn the difference between the word ‘fictional’ and ‘fiction’.