Archive | 8:02 pm

CV Tip #45 (Steve Brookstein)

18 Oct

Not having a job or any prospects in life outside of Job Center queues and cigarettes must be quite depressing. I get that. But you have to approach job hunting with a bit of resilience and drive.

So don’t write sadsack guff like this as a way of introducing youself to a potential employer:

‘am currently un employed need to make something out of my life cause at the moment its crap’

Apart from the wrong message to send, the basic spelling and grammar are fucked here as well.

CV Tip #103 (Religious fanatic)

18 Oct

‘IM ALSO AN ELDER AT MY CHURCH AND COMMITED TO THE WORK AND THE TEACHING OF JESUS CHRIST OUR SAVIOUR.’

Why not start getting committed to doing something more useful with your life, such as learning some skills that will make you vaguely employable?

Always bare in mind that a recruiter is looking to fill a vacancy, not be confronted with biased religious statements.

CV Tip #92 (Magnifying glass)

18 Oct

Know what I like more than trying to read a crap CV with font size 9 text?

Fucking italic font size 9 of course.

Thanks for making the decision not to progress your application even easier.

CV Tip #70 (Casablanca)

18 Oct

Could this be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, when you’ve worked at McDonald’s and have ‘Gained customer staff relationship‘?

Funnily enough, when I order fast food from my local McDonald’s, I’m usually keen to get the hell out of that dump as soon as possible. The last thing I want is to forge a fucking relationship of any kind with the guy that’s just cooked my Big Mac.

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