Archive | 6:36 pm

CV Tip #42 (Dragon’s Den)

20 Oct

‘I have discovered with running my own Business that the hours are great but the pay is crap o)’

Fucking brilliant, especially the little smiley at the end.

The pay is only crap if your business sucks and you’re probably not putting enough hours into it. As for the prospects of giving you an interview… I’m out.

CV Tip #90 (Snail mail)

20 Oct

It beggars belief that some people can even find the front door to leave their house to collect my tax money each week, let alone sire children and log onto a computer, hence:

‘I m sorry mam sir I don t have a file documents in the computer if you want I can send it to you thru post office what I mean is that I don t have a CV of what your asking to me in this application but I m assure you that all I write here’

What a fantastic idea. Fucking great!

The whole recruitment plan can go on hold whilst everyone waits three days for your pathetic career history to arrive from Postman Pat. I’m sure it’ll be worth the wait.

CV Tip #60 (Fisherman’s friend)

20 Oct

I can’t emphasise enough the importance of taking a few seconds to check over your spelling on a CV. If in doubt, have someone with a few working brain cells take a look; there’s no shame in it.

That way you’ll probably avoid the embarrassment of stating that one of your old jobs was as a ‘crap fisherman‘.

Either your spelling is fucked, or you just lack self esteem and aren’t selling yourself too well.

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