By Slick Nick | @Poppeelings
Rating = 2/5
These five chaps were barely out of nappies when they set a new musical record for being the first British group to bag a number one debut album in America. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and true to the norm of big-selling music in 2012, ‘Up All Night’ is a largely mediocre affair.
Like most Cowell releases, this is tonally uneven, trying to ensnare as many types of music fans as possible. It can’t make up its mind whether it wants to mop up the post-Westlife audience of sappy ballad lovers or fill dancefloors with heaving, sweating bodies puting their hayunds (hands) up in the air.
Lead single ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ kicks things off with a whimper, sounding like a rejected track from the Grease soundtrack. It also showcases perhaps this album’s greatest flaw; the terrible vocals. One Direction were put together from five inept youngsters on X Factor of course, who struggled to hold a single note even in their final performances on that show. Together, they create a weak, lifeless drone, neither distinctive or compelling.
‘Tell Me A Lie’ is my favourite track, with a steady build to a satisfying chorus, which is sadly let down by the pissweak vocals. This song could have been used to launch the career of a far worthy group or ‘artist’.
The song ‘Up All Night’ itself rips off the sublime non-hit ‘Always Something There To Remind Me’ by Tin Tin Out from the mid nineties, a song that was released when the member of 1D were probably in nappies at best.
‘I Want’ attempts to rock thing up with s kooky Beatles-esque intro and some obvious lead guitar. It doesn’t work as a song, nor is it something One Direction’s fans want to be listening to I would think.
The last few tracks pick up the pace, attempting to oust JLS it seems as the definitive knicker-wetting purveyors of dance floor anthems. Sadly the songs, underpinned by the lame vocals, are nothing special, yet still more listenable than the poor quality singles.
Overall, I have to admit there is some ok song-writing on this record-breaking debut. It pretty much does what it sets out to do; coherse the pocket money from lonely, desperate and undemanding teenage girls.
