The Missouri Breaks (1976 dir. Arthur Penn)

Mega thesps wasted in the name of horse economics.

2/5

The Last House On The Left (1972 dir. Wes Craven)

The awkward moment when you start nursing the people that recently fucked and killed your only child.

1/5

Mad Dog Morgan (1976 dir. Philippe Mora)

Battered beardo holds up other beardos for loose change.

0/5

Mad Max (1979 dir. George Miller)

Australians pay little heed to highway code or loss of no claims bonuses.

3/5

Carnal Knowledge (1971 dir. Mike Nichols)

Two chums discuss and engage in fuckery.

2/5

A Clockwork Orange (1971 dir. Stanley Kubrick)

In a bleak future underpinned by milk, gibberish and pubic hair, a violent dandy must come to terms with Beethoven.

3/5

Five Easy Pieces (1970 dir. Bob Rafelson)

Oil man does virtually nothing of interest before porking heavily-gummed sister in law.

3/5

Kramer vs. Kramer (1979 dir. Robert Benton)

Two Hollywood thesps fight over a bowlcut.

3/5

Bed And Board (1970 dir. Francois Truffaut)

Copier of John Lennon’s sex life swaps one crap job for another.

2/5

Dog Day Afternoon (1975 dir. Sidney Lumet)

Motivated by anal sex, a young Michael Corleone prevents bank staff from leaving work on time.

3/5

The French Connection (1971 dir. William Friedkin)

Brutal bobby bashes blacks in Brooklyn.

3/5

The Last Picture Show (1971 dir. Peter Bogdanovich)

The inability of young slackjaws to finger girls leads to the closure of an independent cinema.

3/5

The Devil, Probably (1977 dir. Robert Bresson)

Seal-clubbing and corduroy jackets drive a young longhair to euthanasia.

2/5

Anne And Muriel (1971 dir. Francois Truffaut)

After driving woman insane with his penis, French beta male fucks her sister in a barn.

2/5

A Gorgeous Girl Like Me (1972 dir. Francois Truffaut)

Discussing slut’s previous fuck partners leads to imprisonment of poindexter.

2/5

A Wedding (1978 dir. Robert Altman)

Spawn of plantation types drink and talk at the expense of narrative.

2/5

Blazing Saddles (1974 dir. Mel Brooks)

Wrinkly racist mocks older, deader racists.

2/5

The Conformist (1970 dir. Bernardo Bertolucci)

Guilty Catholic watches academic get skewered artistically in the woods.

4/5

Thieves Like Us (1974 dir. Robert Altman)

Like a less wild Wild Bunch at the dawn of civilization/Coca Cola.

1/5

Network (1976 dir. Sidney Lumet)

In the rain, sharply-scripted thesps satiarise the awfulness of television.

4/5

L’argent de Poche (Pocket Money) (1976 dir. Francois Truffaut)

Girly-haired lads bond over child abuse and tit-spotting in French Rear Window.

4/5

Papaya, Love Goddess of The Cannibals (1978 dir. Joe D’Amato)

Island temptress halts construction progress by distracting key project stakeholders with fucking.

2/5

Zombie Flesh Eaters (1979 dir. Lucio Fulci)

Christ provides miracle of never-ending gun magazines in violent church shoot-out.

3/5

The Cat o’ Nine Tails (1971 dir. Dario Argento)

A young Bruce Forsyth lookalike gets embroiled in a very convoluted strangulation yarn.

2/5

The Fury (1978 dir. Brian De Palma)

Like a pubic Scanners, with half of Carrie cast.

2/5