Wolf Creek (2005 dir. Greg Mclean)

A conservative look at the mating rituals of the rural Australian male.

3/5

Maid in Manhattan (2002 dir. Wayne Wang)

Regular intercourse with wealthy white changes the lives of the ethnic poor.

2/5

The Prestige (2006 dir. Christopher Nolan)

Two cockneys outdo dozens of non-cockneys in trickery.

3/5

Closer (2004 dir. Mike Nichols)

Two guys and two girls fall instantly in love and all fuck each other.

3/5

Sideways (2004 dir. Alexander Payne)

Fuck addict and scribbler prove that nice guys really do finish last.

3/5

Memoirs Of A Geisha (2005 dir. Rob Marshall)

Auction for waitress’ prized fuckhole postponed due to WWII.

2/5

The Pianist (2002 dir. Roman Polanski)

Excessively nostrilled musician gets evicted several times.

4/5

Battlefield Earth (2000 dir. Roger Christian)

Several film careers face obliteration due to bickering and dreadlocks.

1/5

The Queen (2006 dir. Stephen Frears)

Grinning future warlord persuades multi-millionairres to cut short their holiday.

3/5

Ghosts of Mars (2001 dir. John Carpenter)

Like Zulu with redder sets.

2/5

Punch-Drunk Love (2002 dir. Paul Thomas Anderson)

A premium fuck chat leads to increased car insurance for aggressive CEO.

3/5

Bronson (2008 dir. Nicolas Winding Refn)

Surreal tale charts Inception carrot-dicked gent’s parcipitation in world’s worst dance floor in mental asylum.

2/5

Tell No One (2006 dir. Guillaume Canet)

Demented Dad goes to great lenghts to ensure daughter’s life remains fuck free.

3/5

Adulthood (2008 dir. Noel Clarke)

Same as Kidulthood, with slightly more punches and kicks to abdomens.

2/5

A Prophet (2009 dir. Jacques Audiard)

Like a French Shawshank Redemption, with more arterial blood spurts and less personal shopping.

5/5

Damage (2009 dir. Jeff King)

Intrigued by the prospect of big bucks and beating men at events attended by two dozen people, pro wrestler dispatches opponents with extremely unconvincing fight sequences.

2/5

Four Christmases (2008 dir. Seth Gordon)

Safe couple bring positives and negatives to four broken American mid-west households in December.

2/5

Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past (2009 dir. Mark Waters)

Dickens ideas duplicated to drive sales of cheap DVDs forward.

1/5

Bullet Boy (2004 dir. Saul Dibb)

An innocent boy avoids the path to becoming a Daily Mail headline.

2/5

Loser (2000 dir. Amy Heckerling)

Shunned Jew endures bullying and pop punk before bagging ineffective slut.

1/5

Rise of The Footsoldier (2007 dir. Julian Gilbey)

Uneducated heads explode several times as barrowboys ape Goodfellas.

2/5

Taking Liberties (2007 dir. Chris Atkins)

Cheeky documentarian explores social policies of grinning warlord.

3/5

Freddy Got Fingered (2001 dir. Tom Green)

Doodling, animal sperm and an offer of anal sex cause relations to implode between father and cult Canadian.

2/5

Cass (2008 dir. Jon S. Baird)

Man mountain throws hands with caucasians in the eighties.

2/5

Envy (2004 dir. Barry Levinson)

Magical shit spray changes the lives of two Jews and a hasbeen.

2/5