Know what I like more than trying to read a crap CV with font size 9 text?
Fucking italic font size 9 of course.
Thanks for making the decision not to progress your application even easier.
Could this be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, when you’ve worked at McDonald’s and have ‘Gained customer staff relationship‘?
Funnily enough, when I order fast food from my local McDonald’s, I’m usually keen to get the hell out of that dump as soon as possible. The last thing I want is to forge a fucking relationship of any kind with the guy that’s just cooked my Big Mac.
‘The interviews i do for the online music magazine is also a great hobbie and I have chance to interview some great people my favourite interviews so far are Right Said Fred, Adam Ant and BoB’
Fucking brilliant and relevant.
If those were the best then I’d hate to see the worst. Also, how in the name of Christ did you get any journalism work with that level of writing skill?
Again, spelling is key and that goes for typos a well, little slips of the finger when typing out a CV on a word processing device.
Pay attention. I know that the last word here on a candidate’s interests section was supposed to be golf but it still left me, the recruiter, with a ludicrous mental image:
‘Swimming, fishing, gold‘
Philosophy is best left to the great minds that have gifted us with their wisdom, whose poignant and enlightening words will be forever referenced in the history books for the greater good of the people.
A CV is the last place for such musings, especially if written in fucking capital letters with grammatical mistakes:
‘I AM A VERY SIMPLE MAN AND MY MOTTO IS SIMPLE TOO. WORK AND LIVE FAIRLY, THAT IS ALL WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR LONG TERM.’
‘My reading is not just limited to fictional books‘
Fucking brilliant. I’d love to know how one goes about reading a book that doesn’t exist.
It’s a shame one of the books in your extensive library isn’t the Oxford English Dictionary – that way you’d learn the difference between the word ‘fictional’ and ‘fiction’.
The funny thing about living in the 21st century is that we no longer as a society punish people by crucifiction. It’s little things like this that keep reminding us we’re not living in Biblical times anymore.
So on a CV there is absolutely no need to write ‘A.D.‘ after every fucking year of employment history.
Working in a fast food establishment is pretty much the kiss of death for your employability if stated on a CV, but well done for scraping some positives out of the despair:
‘This allowed me to become skilled at dealing with large quantities of hungry customers face to face during the lunch time rush hour.’
A snippet from a gentleman’s stint in telesales:
‘I once came second in a competition to see who could sell the most products in a week, with the winner being awarded with a holiday.’
Fucking brilliant. What else have you not achieved in life? Winning the lottery? Getting your dick wet by a broad from The Only Way Is Essex? Playing for England in the World Cup? Irrelevant information for a potential employer to look over will only wind them up.
It’s a joy to see the British educational system winning the fight against illiteracy and ignorance, equipping the iPad generation with the tools they need to keep this great nation at the forefront of global economics.
So this sort of sentence on a CV really fucks me off:
’4 G.C.S.E at grade D – E’
Fucking brilliant. You might as well state that you don’t have any intelligence whatsoever and that your entire school tenure was a waste of everyone’s time and money.