Submarine (2010 dir. Richard Ayoade)

Two generations of beta males fail with women.

3/5

Neds (2010 dir. Peter Mullan)

Like a less colourful The Firm, with near incomprehensible dialogue.

3/5

Shank (2010 dir. Mo Ali)

Like a feature length N Dubz video with even less narrative.

1/5

A Serbian Film (2010 dir. Srdjan Spasojevic)

Shaggy Balkan give new meaning to the phrase ‘something in my eye’ after accidentally bonding with family.

2/5

The Company Men (2010 dir. John Wells)

Harrowing tale sees multi-millionairres forced to give up pointless possessions.

3/5

Machete (2010 dir. Robert Rodriquez)

Armed with cutlery, angry Hispanic conducts multiple amputations without anesthetic in trashy homage to trash.

2/5

Little Fockers (2010 dir. Paul Weitz)

Lifeless penises inspire lifeless gags in lifeless sequel.

1/5

The Town (2010 dir. Ben Affleck)

Like Good Will Hunting with added gun play.

4/5

Animal Kingdom (2010 dir. David Michôd)

Like Shane Meadows going wild in Ramsey Street.

2/5

We Need To Talk About Kevin (2011 dir. Lynne Ramsay)

Horrific Rambo impression ensures teen masturbator gets to skip gym class.

3/5

I Saw The Devil (2010 dir. Jee-woon Kim)

Maverick cop releases serial killer several times to bolster running time.

4/5

South of The Border (2010 dir. Oliver Stone)

Fox News antidote sees Vietnam vet discussing angry Hispanics in crowded rooms.

3/5

13 Assassins (2010 dir. Takashi Miike)

A dozen lads with half-finished haircuts bond over multiple stab wounds.

3/5

I Spit on Your Grave (2010 dir. Steven R. Monroe)

Educated liberal makes life hell for republicans in Barack Obama allegory.

2/5

The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It (2010 dir. Craig Moss)

Surprisingly, cheapo piss take of mediocre comedies relies on toilet gags and crass stereotyping to evoke chuckles.

1/5

Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time (2010 dir. Mike Newall)

Donnie Darko uses vocal coaching and gymnastics to defeat Ghandi in bog standard swordfight.

2/5

The Tourist (2010 dir. Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck)

Venice tourist advert depicts smartly dressed people walking/running/shooting in smart clobber.

1/5

The King’s Speech (2010 dir. Tom Hooper)

Sports vocal coaching montage does the trick with unsure monarch.

3/5

The Way Back (2010 dir. Peter Weir)

Like a communist Deliverance, minus illegal arse fuckery.

2/5

Grown Ups (2010 dir. Dennis Dugan)

Lads from Saturday Night Live catch up to mock blacks, the elderly, the poor and each other, to the detriment of audience’s comedy hopes.

2/5

Blue Valentine (2010 dir. Derek Cianfrance)

Young couple dislike each other, then like each other, then don’t fuck, then fuck.

4/5

Dear John (2010 dir. Lasse Hallström)

Lack of antagonist, conflict and bare tits, renders lifeless romance flick entirely pointless.

0/5

You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger (2010 dir. Woody Allen)

Deceitful Goonie scribbler nearly loses wife to a Spaniard.

2/5

It’s Kind Of A Funny Story (2010 dir. Anna Boden & Ryan Fleck)

Like One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, with annoying effete hipsters instead of future Hollywood greats.

2/5

Super (2010 dir. James Gunn)

Underpinned by typically effete college rock music, idiot dispenses GBH using plumbing gear to win back slut wife.

2/5