Tag Archives: Cinema

Runaway (1984 dir. Michael Crichton)

30 Sep

Infamous ‘tache has drawn out battles with the worst-looking robots in film history.

2/5

IMDB

Gilda (1946 dir. Charles Vidor)

29 Sep

Fucker of Shawshank slut gets job with punching instead of competency interviewing.

2/5

IMDB

The Searchers (1956 dir. John Ford)

28 Sep

Big racist plays himself in Lord of The Rings with dust.

5/5

IMDB

Elysium (2013 dir. Neil Blomkamp)

27 Sep

Thatcherism in space.

3/5

IMDB

Blitz (2011 dir. Elliot Lester)

8 Sep

Like a feature-length episode of The Bill, with even worse dialogue.

1/5

IMDB

Seven Samurai (1954 dir. Akira Kurosawa)

7 Sep

Mass slaughter in the name of carbohydrates.

5/5

IMDB

The Pit And The Pendulum (1991 dir. Stuart Gordon)

2 Sep

To keep Christ happy, several women are brutally tortured in possible UKIP voter’s fantasy.

2/5

IMDB

Warm Bodies (2013 dir. Jonathan Levine)

31 Aug

Music masks mediocrity.

2/5

IMDB

Sinister (2012 dir. Scott Derrickson)

24 Aug

Long-haired foster parent fails at You’ve Been Framed.

2/5

IMDB

Sightseers (2012 dir. Ben Wheatly)

23 Aug

Bonnie & Clyde (with learning difficulties) meets Countryfile.

3/5

IMDB

Olympus Has Fallen (2013 dir. Antoine Fuqua)

19 Aug

Multiple film careers kept on life-support by Die Hard rip-off.

3/5

IMDB

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013 dir. Tommy Wirkola)

18 Aug

Countless women receive face punches in Chris Brown-inspired Alpen commercial.

2/5

IMDB

Ran (1985 dir. Akira Kurosawa)

16 Aug

Sitting and sword-fighting and shouting in feudal Japan.

5/5

IMDB

Rosemary’s Baby (1968 dir. Roman Polanski)

14 Aug

A 2+ hour long warning over the dangers of unprotected fucking.

4/5

IMDB

Highlander (1986 dir. Russell Mulcahy)

9 Aug

Braveheart in carparks follows the most 80s opening 3 minutes of cinema ever.

2/5

IMDB

Monsters University (2013 dir. Dan Scanlon)

7 Aug

Animal House remade to sell lunchboxes.

2/5

IMDB

The Wasp Woman (1959 dir. Roger Corman)

6 Aug

In order to increase fuckability and company revenue, executive removes glasses.

2/5

IMDB

Evil Dead (2013 dir. Fede Alvarez)

5 Aug

The visual representation of a Sunday Guardian feminism rant.

3/5

IMDB

Man of Steel (2013 dir. Zack Snyder)

4 Aug

Inspiring tale of the real-life Peter Griffin’s ascention from tier-2 school bully to reliable office drone.

3/5

IMDB

Senna (2010 dir. Asif Kapadia)

30 Jul

Before going splat, Christ-like Christ fan comes to terms with being surrounded by mullets and Frenchmen for ten years.

3/5

IMDB

The Great Gatsby (2013 dir. Baz Luhrmann)

29 Jul

Two affluent side-partings invest resources into bagging the same lady’s fuckhole.

2/5

IMDB

Pacific Rim (2013 dir. Guillermo del Toro)

28 Jul

Three identical-looking soldiers star in the film the Power Rangers Movie could have been.

3/5

IMDB

Body Heat (1981 dir. Lawrence Kasdan)

24 Jul

Tache’d skirt-bagger pays tribute to Double Indemnity by nailing quality skirt.

3/5

IMDB

After Earth (2013 dir. M. Night Shyamalan)

23 Jul

A father forces his son to do something he isn’t very good at; acting.

1/5

IMDB

Scanners (1981 dir. David Cronenberg)

22 Jul

Foreheads seek to increase paracetamol sales using stern looks.

2/5

IMDB

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