Tag Archives: Interview

CV Tip #40 (Christianty)

21 Oct

Always tailor an application form to your audience and pay particular attention to the country’s cultural diversity at all times. Spouting Biblical nonsense at any time is strictly forbidden:

‘Soft hearted but strong in my conviction and integrity., live a good healthy habit and most of all a God fearing and live a life with principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ.’

CV Tip #60 (Fisherman’s friend)

20 Oct

I can’t emphasise enough the importance of taking a few seconds to check over your spelling on a CV. If in doubt, have someone with a few working brain cells take a look; there’s no shame in it.

That way you’ll probably avoid the embarrassment of stating that one of your old jobs was as a ‘crap fisherman‘.

Either your spelling is fucked, or you just lack self esteem and aren’t selling yourself too well.

CV Tip #103 (Religious fanatic)

18 Oct

‘IM ALSO AN ELDER AT MY CHURCH AND COMMITED TO THE WORK AND THE TEACHING OF JESUS CHRIST OUR SAVIOUR.’

Why not start getting committed to doing something more useful with your life, such as learning some skills that will make you vaguely employable?

Always bare in mind that a recruiter is looking to fill a vacancy, not be confronted with biased religious statements.

CV Tip #72 (Soaps)

18 Sep

It’s never a good idea to put a photo of yourself on a CV or covering letter for an application in the UK, even if you happen to be easy on the eyes. It just isn’t the done thing.

So, avoid doing this at all possible costs if you look a fucking main cast member from the Australian soap opera Prisoner: Cell Block H.

CV Tip #62 (Cookery)

18 Sep

At the end of a CV: ‘I enjoy cooking a wide range of foods from foods with spice to food with dye’s.’

Yeah. Some employers will certainly not consider you if you can’t use dye to cook food with. It would have been better to leave it at simply ‘cooking’.

CV Tip #52 (Sunday School)

15 Sep

When wrapping up a CV, pay close heed to the order of activities listed in your interests, lest you leave some interesting images in the recruiter’s mind:

‘…other interests, church, Christianity, The Bible, motocross and enduro-rally…’

CV Tip #15 (Philanthropist)

7 Mar

If at any point in your life your CV contains the following sentence, make sure you kill yourself immediately:

‘Approaching people in the street to persuade them to support a charity.’

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