Empire Of The Sun (1987 dir. Steven Spielberg)

Atom bomb nearly used as metaphor for the onset of teen masturbation.

3/5

Apt Pupil (1998 dir. Bryan Singer)

Heartwarming coming of age thriller sees unlikable teen and unlikable German bond over genocide.

2/5

Soldier Of Orange (1977 dir. Paul Verhoeven)

Queen of phlegm-throats gets treated to live PG-13 sex show in London.

2/5

The Last Metro (1980 dir. Francois Truffaut)

Forbidden Jew oversees play rehearsals from basement hovel whilst girlfriend gets felt up by lead thesp.

3/5

The Bridge On The River Kwai (1957 dir. David Lean)

British gent plans and executes gross act of terrorism on another British gent’s impressive civil engineering feat.

4/5

The Way Back (2010 dir. Peter Weir)

Like a communist Deliverance, minus illegal arse fuckery.

2/5

Cross Of Iron (1977 dir. Sam Peckinpah)

Montage master risks losing audience empathy early on due to featuring character list made almost entirely of Nazis.

3/5

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011 dir. Joe Johnston)

Staunch patriot and literally born-again weight lifter defeats The Mask with combat ideas from other films.

2/5

JOB AD: Factory Manager in Schindler’s List

Factory General Manager – Krakow, Poland – Perm – EUR30-50k + 5 days holiday

Are you an experienced manufacturing professional looking for a new challenge? Due to a recent invasion, we now have a fantastic opportunity for a permanent Factory General Manager (FGM) to be fully accountable for a new manufacturing venture set to take full advantage of the recent surge in demand for army mess kits.

You will be fully responsible for plant, profit, people and process, as well as being accountable to our shareholders in the National Socialist German Worker’s Party.

To succeed in this role, you will need outstanding leaderships skills and will enjoy inspiring others to consistently meet and exceed challenging volume targets, within agreed timescales. The FGM will have a Site Engineering Manager, two Manufacturing Managers, a HR Manager and several Team Managers reporting into him/her.

Ideally candidates will have come from a continuous manufacturing environment and have knowledge of either Six Sigma, Kaizen or other Lean manufacturing methodology. Philanthropists will be looked upon with considerable favour.

Eyes on the prize: The FGM should have energy and enthusiasm in abundance

With the threat of death hanging over their heads at all times, our shopfloor team members occasionally lose focus and motivation. Therefore, our new FGM will be expected to design and implement appropriate cultural initiatives to make sure the Krakow plant is seen as a fun place to work and an employer of choice.

Apart from a generous salary and benefits package, the successful candidate will be given a complimentary mess kit as a sign-on bonus, and will also have access to their very own Jewish accountant.

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If this sounds like the role for you, please visit one of the heavily-armed guards at checkpoint 12.b at the Krakow Ghetto, Poland, to arrange a confidential discussion.

The Thin Red Line (1998 dir. Terrence Malick)

Virtually every male actor active in the 90s gets shot at on beautiful nature trail.

4/5

Black Book (2006 dir. Paul Verhoeven)

Tit-happy auteur brings patended brand of ultraviolent soap opera plus Biblical imagery to Nazi war criminals.

3/5

Schindler’s List (1993)

Factory general manager struggles to meet production targets due to particularly strong union interference.

5/5

Flags Of Our Fathers (2006)

Hispanic lightweight embarrasses war heroes on ambitious pub crawl.

4/5

Pearl Harbour (2001 dir. Michael Bay)

All-American apple pie wrapped in US flag is tipped off window ledge by evil Japanese pilot.

2/5