Archive | November, 2010

A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)

30 Nov

80s highschool archetype completes life-saving home improvement project within admirable timescales.

3/5


Pretty In Pink (1986)

29 Nov

Try hard bratpack associate sexually assaults Ghostbusters administrator in unpopular night spot.

2/5


Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)

29 Nov

Ancient fluter suffers unsatisfying death after profound lecture on comics.

3/5


Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

29 Nov

Director of carefully disguised homages directs carefully disguised homage to samurai flicks.

4/5


“My name is Wagner. I now retire to dressing room to relieve blue balls.”

28 Nov

He deserves it

School Of Rock (2003)

28 Nov

Flabby cretin uses bad music to spoil innocence and education for middle American poindexters.

2/5


Bad Santa (2003)

28 Nov

Part-time burgler in fancy dress becomes addicted to anal sex and whiskey.

3/5


From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

28 Nov

Unfeasible dick weapon gets overshadowed by sexy girl feet and outlandish butchery.

3/5


“Even though a fart could knock me over, never forget that I am a dangerous street-tough! The more colours I wear, the more votes I will get!”

28 Nov

Shs spent a whole 3 minutes getting ready

“Nooooo!!! They made me wear my Nan’s night gown again and I think there is sperm on it!”

28 Nov

Wearing shit clothes is so 'current'

“Gonna rock the stage with my considerable bulk! Someone re-enforce this thing with titanium steel.”

28 Nov

She likes a bit of food

“When I move one of my hands away from the mic like this, all the limp dick telephone voting motherfuckers out there go wild!”

28 Nov

Dramatic palms!

High Fidelity (2000)

28 Nov

Music dorks make apprentice music dorks wish they’d studied harder.

3/5


“My name is Wagner. I am here to sing Creep song originally by stroke-face student.”

28 Nov

He doesn't belong here

Hot Fuzz (2007)

27 Nov

Every British actor ever brings funny accents and gratuitous death to a live-action Kinks record.

3/5


“My name is Wagner. I am here to seduce managing director of crap bands to prolong career in sing songery.”

27 Nov

Odd couple?

“My name is Wagner. I am here to deal card game for dance scholars.”

27 Nov

Coming to a church hall near you in 2011?

“My name is Wagner. I am here to wed British girl to get proper roast beef dinner food on Sundays. And healthcare.”

27 Nov

He hasn't changed a bit

House Party (1990)

27 Nov

Pale Will Smith lookalike dances whilst wearing awful clothes.

2/5


Alpha Dog (2006)

26 Nov

Pop legend gets in with the wrong tattoos as One Tree Hill colides with hip hop.

3/5

“Here I come for rock week, motherhumpers! This is my third bottle of sparkling water!”

26 Nov

He wasn't allowed out to the shops on his own to buy that

“I drink your milkshake! I drink it all up! Now who wants their frickin’ head caved in?”

26 Nov

There Will Be Blood

“Why so seeeeerrrrioussss?”

26 Nov

The bag is full of dynamite and blades

Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)

26 Nov

No Country For Old Men shotgunner kidnaps and sexes two complete strangers using handful of words.

3/5


“My name is Wagner. I am here to PR the catalogue seller of rubbish.”

26 Nov

A match made in heaven

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