REVEALED: How Olly Murs ran out of toilet roll just hours before morning wank

6 Feb

By Slick Nick

Pop star Olly Murs was unable to masturbate according to his normal morning ritual today after finding himself without an adequate amount of bedside toilet roll needed to capture and dispose of the ejaculate.

The X Factor reject and current chart flop, 33, usually begins each day with a five minute wank with the aid of a toilet roll kept in his bedside cabinet.

It is thought that the air in the cockney’s bedroom being festuned with Old Spice the night before caused a sneezing fit, which required the use of the final few sheets of the Andrex toilet tissue.

He said: ‘It was a nightmare. Even though I was fully erect and good to go, I had to get out of my nice warm bed and go to the bathroom to get a new roll of toilet paper.’

‘By the way, would you like to buy some fruit and vegetables? We can probably come to an arrangement on some sort of bulk purchase.’

Syco management have confirmed that Mr Murs will now store several toilet rolls under his bed to prevent this kind of disaster happening again.

The album Olly Murs is out now and can be found playing at most ironic social gatherings of twenty-something music snobs.

Wanker?

13 Responses to “REVEALED: How Olly Murs ran out of toilet roll just hours before morning wank”

  1. fdhsipdivb February 20, 2011 at 1:26 pm #

    OH YES. SO TRUE. THATS MADE UP AND STUPID. I FUCKING LOVE OLLY.

    • poppeelings February 20, 2011 at 1:49 pm #

      I fucking love Olly too but this is a problem that affects many young men I’m afraid.

  2. i love olly May 1, 2012 at 11:23 pm #

    I would love to see olly wanking

  3. http://tinyurl.com/ligederry02703 February 6, 2013 at 1:03 pm #

    Just where did u pick up the suggestions to write ““REVEALED:
    How Olly Murs ran out of toilet roll just hours before morning wank Pop
    Peelings”? Thanks a lot -Inez

  4. Amy April 7, 2013 at 7:23 pm #

    Uh… He is 28…

  5. sara December 30, 2013 at 12:39 am #

    Get your facts right he is 29 you idiot. what is wrong with you? do you have mental issues?

    • poppeelings January 1, 2014 at 8:01 pm #

      29 and still can’t get a girlfriend? That’s fantastic.

      • Sophie May 16, 2014 at 11:17 pm #

        Go fuck yourself cunt!

      • poppeelings May 17, 2014 at 8:50 pm #

        I told you I’m married.

  6. Sophie May 21, 2014 at 9:02 pm #

    I didn’t say u weren’t! Bitch

  7. Abigail October 1, 2016 at 9:57 pm #

    This may sound weird im probubly gonna get alot of bad comments but (by the way im a girl) I masterbate to his songs I just love him so much!!!

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    […] original post here: REVEALED: How Olly Murs ran out of toilet roll just hours before … Related Reading: Progress You Are Not Alone Please Don't Let Me Go Kings of Leon – Live at the O2 […]

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