Amy Childs quits TOWIE to complete PhD

15 Aug

By Slick Nick

@Poppeelings

Amy Childs, star of reality TV smash hit The Only Way is Essex, has sensationally quit the show after thirteen years to focus on further academic achievement. She will hand in a PhD dissertation in the second half of 2013 on modern social anthropology, adding to her already impressive bounty of masters degrees in the fields of psychology and biological sciences.

The 39 year old, who has long held claim to the largest pair of breasts in the show’s twenty year existence, joined the Essex-based program in the middle of 1998, around the time of her completing her first masters degree at the university of Bath, at which she was also the Student Union vice president.

Natural look: Amy Childs in 2005, as guest lecturer at Bristol university

Miss Childs has portrayed herself on television as something of an entreprenuer, managing a profitable hair boutique in a trendy part of Chigwell ever since earning the start-up funds through careful investments that paid off during the first dot com boom. Set to open her eighth branch next year, she has used the profits to fund her education and to set up the independent Amy Childs Alztheimer’s Research Institution in South End, now in its second year.

Many of the cast have become close friends, and sometimes fuck partners, with Miss Childs.

Mark Wright, who plays Tanned Bloke 03, said: ‘I’m well happy for her. I’m proper chuffed mate.’

‘She showed me one of her text books once. Fackin’ hell guv, I was like you ‘avin’ a giraffe sunshine etc.’

Modest Childs, who has seen her academic work published in all major scientific journals, is planning a low-key send off to mark her final appearance in the show in September. She will attend private parties in eighteen top night clubs in central London and three in Manchester, and will invite a plethora of celebrity guests and superstar disc jockeys such as Timmy Mallett, along to enjoy the fun.

34 Responses to “Amy Childs quits TOWIE to complete PhD”

  1. Ariana September 11, 2011 at 2:37 am #

    39 years old? how is that possible?

    • poppeelings September 11, 2011 at 10:39 am #

      Lots of make-up and a good diet?

  2. Rosie September 12, 2011 at 6:16 pm #

    I really can’t understand why this was written. Is it meant to be a joke? It’s not funny, it’s just all incorrect information. Amy was born on June 14 1990 and owns her own beauty salon… She didn’t quit TOWIE, she was in the series from beginning to end. I don’t think it takes a genius to know that she isn’t studying for a PhD either…

    • poppeelings September 12, 2011 at 6:19 pm #

      The post doesn’t exist… I think you imagined it.

      Thanks for stopping by the site though.

      • Stets December 26, 2011 at 2:22 pm #

        Haha, i meant to reply to the cretin above you, ‘Rosie’.

    • Stets December 25, 2011 at 9:13 pm #

      Are you in TOWIE? You are certainly stupid enough.

      • poppeelings December 25, 2011 at 10:02 pm #

        Indeed… I play Tanned Bloke 09. 😉

    • Hugh December 30, 2011 at 11:37 am #

      Haha this is too funny!! I can’t believe the irony. Absolutely classic. Thanks for brightening up my day Rosie!

      • poppeelings January 1, 2012 at 2:05 pm #

        Thanks for reading. Is it irony? I thought it was just weak satire.

    • Tony Lazzo January 7, 2012 at 5:01 pm #

      How dumb can someone be?!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeee read it again but this time know that IT’S A JOKE AND NOT MEANT TO BE ACCURATE INFORMATION! I’m honestly scared for the future of this human race when there are people like you out there.

    • Rosie's evil twin June 22, 2012 at 2:14 pm #

      Duh!!!!

  3. Nifada October 6, 2011 at 11:39 am #

    39? Amy Childs is 21, google it if you don’t think I’am right. She was in the big brother house a couple months ago. 39 haha…

    • poppeelings October 7, 2011 at 6:48 am #

      Thanks a lot for reading and pointing that mistake out… guess I’ll have to fire my researcher now. 😦

      • conor147 November 14, 2011 at 6:51 am #

        this is the best thing i have ever read.

        i havent lold this hard for about 5 hours.

      • poppeelings November 15, 2011 at 10:04 pm #

        Thanks for reading the shit I have written. Appreciate it.

    • Tony Lazzo January 7, 2012 at 5:02 pm #

      Nifada, please see my quote above and apply it to yourself.

  4. A different Rosie to the one above November 24, 2011 at 8:39 pm #

    A very funny post, but I think the comments have to be the best thing about it. Thanks for a genuine laugh!

    • poppeelings November 24, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

      Very kind of you. Why not subscribe and get shit like this in your inbox daily?

  5. Thodwink November 28, 2011 at 10:11 am #

    Brilliant writeup, brought a big smile to my face…

  6. georgia December 11, 2011 at 3:33 pm #

    you twat

  7. louiseabel December 14, 2011 at 4:19 pm #

    Brilliant.

  8. Stets December 25, 2011 at 7:52 pm #

    I have no idea how i stumbled across this gem (or i’m too embarrassed to say…), but good work!

    • poppeelings December 25, 2011 at 9:12 pm #

      We all know why a guy would put ‘amy childs’ into a search bar… to read about her inspiring story of overcoming dyslexia and becoming a millionairre. Why else?

      Thanks for reading.

  9. Robinson December 26, 2011 at 12:35 pm #

    Ahahahahahaha.

    Brillant :p.

  10. Kel January 6, 2012 at 1:13 am #

    I really fail to see how this is funny. Just sayin

    • poppeelings January 6, 2012 at 6:58 pm #

      Same here! Just replyin

      • Tony Lazzo January 7, 2012 at 5:07 pm #

        Allow me to explain – Amy Childs comes across as thick as 2 planks and so the joke is that she quit the show to complete a PHD. To give yourself a chance of understanding or getting the humour, you’ve first got to know what a PHD is (it’s nothing to do with hair products or hair straighteners. That’s GHD and probably the reason all these lovely people are so confused.)

      • poppeelings January 7, 2012 at 6:33 pm #

        Indeed. It’s the way you tell ’em, Tone. 😉

  11. Soozee January 12, 2012 at 1:54 am #

    haha, very funny.
    How did you get that “natural look” photoghraph? Is it possible to remove make-up, false eyelashes and a vacuous expression with photoshop?

    • poppeelings January 14, 2012 at 3:15 pm #

      I had to pay a photographer a lot of coin.

  12. John October 14, 2013 at 3:44 pm #

    Could Ms Childs please give some examples of eminent scientific journals her research has been published in? I have done a full search of all the scientific journals in my university’s library and cannot find anything that she has written. What is the topic of her PhD thesis? I would like to read this groundbreaking research.

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