Archive | 10:26 am

CV Tip #5 (The Riddler)

16 Sep

I can drive a forklift but don’t have a forklift license. I can drive a van but don’t have a driving license.’

Fucking brilliant.

And I have a vacancy list but no jobs for you.

CV Tip #76 (Confucius)

16 Sep

Philosophy is best left to the great minds that have gifted us with their wisdom, whose poignant and enlightening words will be forever referenced in the history books for the greater good of the people.

A CV is the last place for such musings, especially if written in fucking capital letters with grammatical mistakes:

‘I AM A VERY SIMPLE MAN AND MY MOTTO IS SIMPLE TOO. WORK AND LIVE FAIRLY, THAT IS ALL WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR LONG TERM.’

CV Tip #33 (When can we eat?)

16 Sep

From the opening statement on a CV: ‘I am looking to lunch in the public sector job.’

Apart from the disappointing use of the Queen’s English, you shouldn’t already appear to be thinking about your fucking snack breaks even before bagging an interview.

CV Tip #32 (Biased)

16 Sep

On a covering letter, it is slightly annoying having to read about how you admire the company products, sales and values, but this is still perfectly acceptable.

What isn’t acceptable is writing about how you use the product/s at a specific meal every fucking day because it is ‘my favourite’ – this demonstrates zero business acumen.

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