Upcoming Adam Sandler Movies

3 Feb

By Slick Nick | @Poppeelings

No cinema would be complete without a few dozen Adam Sandler masterpieces to show during a year. 2012 promises to be one of the busiest in the Jewish comedian’s release schedule, and Pop Peelings is proud, no, honoured, to be bringing a sneak preview of upcoming titles.

Auteur: Adam Sandler anticipates another record year

*SPOILERS*

Christ on A Bike (March 2012)

Adam Sandler writes, directs, produces and stars in a light-hearted comedy depicting Jesus of Nazareth’s final days on Earth before being brutally killed. Playing Jesus himself, Sandler’s yarn shows the son of God befriending a Roman soldier, played by Seth Rogen.

Whilst the pair bond over a shared bicycle, which helps the soldier to lose weight and win over the the girl of his dreams in a side story, the film ends on a slight downer as Jesus is tortured relentlessly before being hammered into a giant wooden cross and left to rot in the baking sun. A longer sequel is currently being written by Judd Apatow for a summer 2015 release, depicting how Rogen’s now wife deals with his idiotic Jewish friends who are not as funny to be around as they think.

Climax: Jesus rides through Bethlehem

Fatman (May 2012)

Adam Sandler writes, directs and stars in the one film that’s as hotly anticipated amongst dorks as The Avengers Dark Knight Returns; a superhero parody. The first of it’s kind from Sandler, Fatman sees the Waterboy star depict a dangerously overweight insurance salesman that turns to a life fighting crime after his manager refuses to pay out after a massacre at a Californian mansion damages the walls of the house.

Whilst dressed in a Wal-Mart Batman costume, he uses his considerable bulk to apprehend villains, often with mildly amusing consequences. For example, one crook, played by Rob Schneider in a cameo role, gets completely wedged between Fatman’s butt crevice rendering himself unable to escape until the police arrive, during which time the pair engage in a bout of name-calling that lasts around seventeen minutes. This apparently had test audiences holding their sides with laughter.

A McDonald’s tie in promotion will launch with the McFatburger meal, essentially a triple quarter pounder washed down with a bucket of vanilla milkshake.

Satire: Sandler in full Fatman getup

James In 2015 (August 2012)

Starring Kevin James, Adam Sandler writes, directs and produces this low-key post-summer character portrait of two days in the life of the future Kevin James. With no work coming in, no girlfriend and existing in a one-bedroom apartment in the Bay Area, James will give a moving performance as a fridge-sized man at the very brink of total despair.

Sandler promises ‘real tears’ from his star, who will spend much of the movie watching old Saturday Night Live clips of him and his friends being occasionally mildly amusing in the 90s. A leaked trailer showed him sitting, watery-eyed, gazing up at a magestic Zookeeper poster adorned on the wall, longing for the life he once knew.

Workout: Prizing Kevin James from his mattress was a struggle during principle photography

Cheer Up (September 2012)

Adam Sandler writes, directs, produces and stars in this nostalgic tale that takes place in the weeks following 9/11. Sandler plays plucky but mentally disabled firefighter Kenny McGoldblum, a kilt-wearing Jew that gathers loved ones of the victims fatally crushed by 30,000 tonnes of steel and concrete in weekly ‘cheer up’ sessions, where he does silly things to evoke laughter, including a hilarious Scottish accent.

Will he be able to bring a smile to the faces of the heartbroken supporting cast by being mildly amusing on occasions? This is the tension that Dreamworks hopes will encourage movie goers to pay to see Cheer Up later this year.

Wreckage: Sandler's character surveys the wreckage of 9/11

Career Suicide (November 2012)

Finally, Adam Sandler writes, produces, directs and stars in a light-hearted melodramatic comedy rom-com chick flick. He and his wife, Sarah Jessica-Parker, have it all – health, wealth and an enviable house in the suburbs. When they are both made redundant from high powered jobs due to the global recession, they are forced to do something they have not done since the early days of their relationship; spend time together.

When they realise, through a series of mildly amusing skits, that they have grown apart, they look to take part in a joint suicide, rather than bring shame on their respective families by going through a messy divorce.

Jonah Hill will star as the lovable spoilt kid caught in the middle.

Fat: Jonah Hill

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3 Responses to “Upcoming Adam Sandler Movies”

  1. movietruth February 5, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

    Can’t wait for these! Especially, Christ on a Bike. Guaranteed Oscar for Sandler. It’s about time, as well. It’s a disgrace that he’s been snubbed so long.

    • poppeelings February 5, 2012 at 1:23 pm #

      I think their Oscar hopes are being pinned solely on Kevin James this year.
      Thanks for reading.

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  1. More Upcoming Adam Sandler Movies « Pop Peelings - January 6, 2013

    […] this time last year, I wrote a preview of the forthcoming year’s Adam Sandler releases, which all turned out to be critical and box office successes. Now, with the birth of a new year […]

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