BREAKING NEWS: Olly Murs’ ‘Guide To W**king’ WILL be released this Christmas

30 Sep

By Slick Nick | @Poppeelings

Those looking for gift ideas this Christmas need worry no more, for the highly anticipated debut book by Olly Murs detailing the singer’s most advanced methods of self gratification will be available in time for December 25th.

Destined for the best seller lists, Mr Murs’ Guide To W**king has been maligned by troubles from the start. Sources close to the cockney claim the frequent delays were due in part to him wanting to practice and hone his craft to perfection before getting his methods down on paper.

Now puting the finishing touches, literally, to his work, Mr Murs, 31, is reportedly ‘exhausted but happy’.

Members of the Murs Army, a collection of mostly unattractive white teenage girls on Twitter, are hotly anticipating the title, as they are keen to learn exactly why so many fans of good music frequently dismiss their idol as ‘just a w**ker’.

And what of Mr Murs’ inspiration to pen such a controversial title?

‘When you make so many music videos starring women many times out of your league, it’s hard to resist the urge to make use of that welcoming box of tissues by your bed as you spend another cold night alone.’ commented Murs.

‘When I eventually get dropped from my record label, at least I will have masturbation to fall back on.’

The Olly Murs Guide To W**king will be available from all good kebab shops from December 10th.

Murs: Expert wanker?

17 Responses to “BREAKING NEWS: Olly Murs’ ‘Guide To W**king’ WILL be released this Christmas”

  1. OLLY IS AMAZING January 1, 2013 at 6:30 pm #


  2. Megan February 13, 2013 at 3:36 am #

    What the hell is your problem with Olly !!?? Jealous that he’s had a chance to follow a dream ? Have you even read this book? I bet you havent because you probably wont even give it a chance. Before it came out you were slagging it off!! READ IT.

  3. sara ruse'OLLY'MURS'XXXX February 13, 2013 at 7:36 am #

    WTF STFU at least olly has actually acheieved things in life and followed his dreams this is just a pathetic website.

    • poppeelings March 3, 2013 at 8:21 am #

      But it was always my dream to create and write for a pathetic website, Sara.

  4. sara ruse'OLLY'MURS'XXXX February 13, 2013 at 7:43 am #

    Okay just red all off this shit page, MURS ARMY, are the best fan bas going, we are family, we stick together, noone in ugly, everyone is beautiful in there on way,your just a nerd that sits at the computer all day writing loads of crap about olly, but ill tell you till, he is many peoples idols and noone could ever change out opinion about olls because he is an amazing man, give. Him loads of respect and credit for what he has done these past 4 years! He has done more than you would expect, he had worked his arse off for us fans and still is , is that enough to have out spoken you, thankyou 🙂 #weloveyoumurs #ollyweloveyou #mursarmyloveolly xxx

    • Megan February 13, 2013 at 2:42 pm #

      Amen ^

    • poppeelings March 3, 2013 at 8:24 am #

      I guess you have very low expectations when it comes to music. I think if you spent more time learning to write English and less time defending mediocre pop stars on the internet, you’ll do better in life.

      • Megan March 3, 2013 at 10:42 am #

        And I think if you didn’t waste your time writing this blog you’d have gotten further in your life too. I mean, there’s not much a lonely unemployed man can do other than be jealous of another man who’s worked harded than you ever have.

      • poppeelings March 3, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

        How about getting promoted at work, moving into a nicer, bigger house and finding time to holiday in New York to celebrate my first wedding anniversary. Just some of my 2012 highlights. Why would you assume I was unemployed anyway? Don’t forget your hero Murs, aside from failing as a footballer, was working in a call center before he was lucky enough to get selected for TV by Cowell’s minions.

      • Megan March 3, 2013 at 1:13 pm #

        Concentrate on your job and spend time with your wife then instead of trying to make a fanbase angry. He didn’t fail as a footballer. He got injured. He dids lots other than work in a call center. Read his book?

    • Sophie May 16, 2014 at 11:10 pm #

      #mursarmyloveolly xxxxxxxxxxx

  5. nicole December 30, 2013 at 12:32 am #

    Honestly what is your bloody problem with Olly?
    Look just admit it your just jealous of him, because he has gone out and followed his dreams and you just sit there on your dirty old sofa hating on him because you cant do shit. so instead of hating on Olly, go out and get a proper f*cking job and do something usefull in your bloody worthless life. Get off ur lay a*se and do something good. Why cant you just show love? everything in your stupid blog is about hate … ” i hate this… i hate that” WTF is your bloody problem?

    • poppeelings January 1, 2014 at 7:57 pm #

      The job I do has a positive impact on people’s lives and has made a profound difference to many small businesses in the UK. Is that ‘proper’ enough or should I release a crap single about how I can’t get a girlfriend, like Olly Murs has done countless times?

      • Sophie May 16, 2014 at 11:06 pm #

        Yes because maybe u will see it helps you overcome the fact that ur single and start loving life as it fucking is! Get a fucking life will ya!? Olly has a better life than you in many ways. Ur so jealous of him, that u can’t even say anything nice about him! Sweet dreams 😀

      • poppeelings May 17, 2014 at 8:47 pm #

        You speak of being single as if it’s some kind of germ, though I happen to be married anyway to my best friend (let me know when Olly gets a girlfriend).
        Olly’s life sucks. He is told what to do, what to wear, what to say, and likely spends much of his non-media time singing/listening to below average pop music. Who would want that? Not me.

  6. Sophie May 17, 2014 at 9:42 pm #

    U trying to offend me,bro? Cuz it ain’t working. Maybe try something different 😉

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