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Rosemary’s Baby (1968 dir. Roman Polanski)

14 Aug

A 2+ hour long warning over the dangers of unprotected fucking.

4/5

IMDB

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Spartacus (1960 dir. Stanley Kubrick)

14 May

Christ-like slave with perfect teeth and modern haircut inspires ancestors of Daily Mirror readers to brutal deaths.

5/5

IMDB

Repulsion (1965 dir. Roman Polanksi)

26 Jan

Ancient photo causes unfucked lunatic to fend off fuck advances with homicide.

4/5

IMDB

Blow-Up (1966 dir. Michelangelo Antonioni)

11 Dec

Cuntish snapper turns detective.

3/5

z. blow up..oIMDB

The Bride Wore Black (1968 dir. Francois Truffaut)

6 Sep

A wank over Hitchcock by French auteur results in Kill Bill blueprint.

3/5

The Grim Reaper (1962 dir. Bernardo Bertolucci)

18 Aug

Like an Italian Rashomon with dead fuck seller.

3/5

Django (1966 dir. Sergio Corbucci)

21 Jul

Thieving mass murderer sets up Home Alone trap for Hispanics.

3/5

Before The Revolution (1964 dir. Bernardo Bertolucci)

8 Jul

Political fellow bonds with aunt using sex.

3/5

Once Upon A Time In The West (1968 dir. Sergio Leone)

7 Jul

Murderers sporting various lengths of facial hair look to invest in property.

5/5

The Trial of Joan of Arc (1962 dir. Robert Bresson)

4 Apr

Boy meets girl, boy asks girl about religion, girl gets used as bonfire fuel.

3/5

Masculin Féminin (1966 dir. Jean-Luc Godard)

24 Feb

Fuck interviews permeate pop singer’s rise to obscurity.

3/5

Vivre Sa Vie (1962 dir. Jean-Luc Godard)

17 Feb

Director gives away spoilers twelve times in delightful tale of walking fuckseller.

4/5

Au Hasard Balthazar (1966 dir. Robert Bresson)

15 Feb

Unfortunate ass demonstrates superior acting ability to savage rural types.

3/5

Two or Three Things I Know About Her (1967 dir. Jean-Luc Godard)

7 Feb

Whispering auteur condemns fuck-selling and consumerism before succumbing to product placement in final scene.

3/5

Mouchette (1967 dir. Robert Bresson)

3 Feb

Mud-slinger regrets fuckfest with epileptic.

3/5

Mississippi Mermaid (1969 dir. Francois Truffaut)

17 Dec

Not unlike Vertigo in colonised Africa, with cigarette manufacturing instead of police work.

4/5

Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid (1969 dir. George Roy Hill)

27 Nov

Like a PG-13 Wild Bunch with 50% of the headcount.

3/5

Belle De Jour (1967 dir. Luis Bunuel)

28 Oct

Whilst working part-time day shifts, bourgeois fuck seller daydreams of being abused and shit on by rural types.

3/5

The Soft Skin (1964 dir. Francois Truffaut)

1 Oct

Academic and airplane slut travel the country looking for licensed premises to fuck in.

4/5

Cape Fear (1962 dir. J. Lee Thompson)

4 Sep

Hugely dramatic opening score gives way to disappointment.

3/5

Alphaville (1965 dir. Jean-Luc Godard)

28 Aug

On a far-away futuristic planet, which perfectly resembles 1960s Paris, miserable noir type shoots almost everyone he meets in the stomach.

3/5

Pierrot le Fou (1965 dir. Jean-Luc Godard)

20 Aug

Infamous French auteur antagonises fans of coherent narrative and sympathetic characters.

3/5

The Hustler (1961 dir. Robert Rossen)

20 Aug

Immaculately groomed fatso proves no match for cocky drunk upstart at snooker.

4/5

Zulu (1964 dir. Cy Endfield)

20 Aug

New record is set for greatest number of bare tits and gun fatalities depicted in a PG-rated picture.

3/5

The Apartment (1960 dir. Billy Wilder)

19 Aug

Heart-warming comedy sees corporate drone get promoted due to providing convenient premises for suicide attempt and extra-marital fuck sessions.

4/5

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