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Blitz (2011 dir. Elliot Lester)

8 Sep

Like a feature-length episode of The Bill, with even worse dialogue.

1/5

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After Earth (2013 dir. M. Night Shyamalan)

23 Jul

A father forces his son to do something he isn’t very good at; acting.

1/5

IMDB

Playing For Keeps (2012 dir. Gabriele Muccino)

10 Jun

Indulgent Scot chooses family over football and fanny.

1/5

IMDB

The Five-Year Engagement (2012 dir. Nicholas Stoller)

11 May

Big Jew bags half decent skirt twice despite delivering poor quality fuck sessions.

1/5

IMDB

Death Warrant (1990 dir. Deran Sarafian)

8 May

Belgian face-kicker kicks faces to defend against organ donorship.

1/5

IMDB

Space Truckers (1996 dir. Stuart Gordon)

9 Apr

80s neon and the disabled get cruelly mocked in Star Wars knock-off.

1/5

IMDB

Heartburn (1986 dir. Mike Nichols)

15 Mar

Boring life leads to boring biopic.

1/5

IMDB

On The Nose (2001 dir. David Caffrey)

27 Feb

Screenplay caught red-handed delivering lines from better films to disguise own ineptitude.

1/5

IMDB

The Last House On The Left (1972 dir. Wes Craven)

16 Feb

The awkward moment when you start nursing the people that recently fucked and killed your only child.

1/5

IMDB

Broken (2006 dir. Simon Boyes)

3 Feb

Eccentric enslaves women at campsite in possible Playboy Mansion competitor start-up.

1/5

IMDB

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (2011 dir. Stephen Daltry)

13 Jan

Splattered father helps weird son overcome shyness by making him hang out with the homeless in Central Park at night.

1/5

IMDB

Shank (2010 dir. Mo Ali)

22 Dec

Like a feature length N Dubz video with even less narrative.

1/5

IMDB

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 (2012 dir. Bill Condon)

15 Dec

Born again goth hangs out with gym junkies before doing battle with Cradle of Filth.

1/5

IMDB

My Stepmother Is An Alien (1988 dir. Richard Benjamin)

26 Nov

Cellestial slut learns about Earth through mediocre pop culture.

1/5

Queen Of Outer Space (1958 dir. Edward Bernds)

27 Sep

Astronauts overjoyed at having to do no washing up or hoovering for an entire year after crashing on girl-infested planet.

1/5

Surf Nazis Must Die (1987 dir. Peter George)

8 Sep

Sunseekers object to murder and right-wing politics.

1/5

Bride Wars (2009 dir. Gary Winick)

12 Aug

Two women with no redeeming features compete to waste the most money.

1/5

Battlefield Earth (2000 dir. Roger Christian)

22 Jun

Several film careers face obliteration due to bickering and dreadlocks.

1/5

The Secret Agent Club (1996 dir. John Murlowski)

20 May

Like a poor man’s Goonies, with a black kid.

1/5

Alice (1990 dir. Woody Allen)

27 Apr

Sickeningly wealthy New York socialite and dead fuck associate perform ghostly Superman tribute over Manhattan.

1/5

Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past (2009 dir. Mark Waters)

12 Apr

Dickens ideas duplicated to drive sales of cheap DVDs forward.

1/5

Loser (2000 dir. Amy Heckerling)

6 Apr

Shunned Jew endures bullying and pop punk before bagging ineffective slut.

1/5

Anuvahood (2011 dir. Adam Deacon)

5 Apr

Wannabe black pokes fun at blacks.

1/5

Masters of The Universe (1987 dir. Gary Goddard)

1 Apr

Steroid user battles anorexic thesp in Star Wars knock-off.

1/5

Little Fockers (2010 dir. Paul Weitz)

28 Mar

Lifeless penises inspire lifeless gags in lifeless sequel.

1/5

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