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This is The End (2013 dir. Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg)

7 Jan

Mildly amusing Jews interupt each other.

3/5

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Trance (2013 dir. Danny Boyle)

22 Dec

Like Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind with immaculately shaved genitals.

3/5

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Get Carter (1971 dir. Mike Hodges)

30 Nov

Lead cockney points his finger at supporting cast.

3/5

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The Impossible (2012 dir. Juan Antonio Bayona)

29 Nov

Whites playing Hispanics get soaked in the pursuit of Oscar glory.

3/5

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The Shock Doctrine (2009 dir. Michael Winterbottom)

25 Nov

Sarah Palin look-a-like analyses broke Hispanics.

3/5

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Obsession (1976 dir. Brian De Palma)

24 Nov

Hitchcock wankfest inspires Old Boy.

3/5

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Lifeforce (1985 dir. Tobe Hooper)

16 Nov

British gents seek dangerous tits.

3/5

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Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005 dir. Shane Black)

11 Nov

A 2-hour rehearsal for Iron Man 3.

3/5

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Inside Man (2006 dir. Spike Lee)

10 Nov

Slick modern crime flick climaxes with film noir fuckfest.

3/5

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Side Effects (2013 dir. Steven Soderbergh)

6 Nov

Dishonest psychology in court.

3/5

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Blow Out (1981 dir. Brian De Palma)

3 Nov

A wank over Hitchcock and sound engineering.

3/5

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Deep Red (1975 dir. Dario Argento)

25 Oct

Bad plastering inflates act three.

3/5

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Elysium (2013 dir. Neil Blomkamp)

27 Sep

Thatcherism in space.

3/5

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Sightseers (2012 dir. Ben Wheatly)

23 Aug

Bonnie & Clyde (with learning difficulties) meets Countryfile.

3/5

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Olympus Has Fallen (2013 dir. Antoine Fuqua)

19 Aug

Multiple film careers kept on life-support by Die Hard rip-off.

3/5

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Evil Dead (2013 dir. Fede Alvarez)

5 Aug

The visual representation of a Sunday Guardian feminism rant.

3/5

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Man of Steel (2013 dir. Zack Snyder)

4 Aug

Inspiring tale of the real-life Peter Griffin’s ascention from tier-2 school bully to reliable office drone.

3/5

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Senna (2010 dir. Asif Kapadia)

30 Jul

Before going splat, Christ-like Christ fan comes to terms with being surrounded by mullets and Frenchmen for ten years.

3/5

IMDB

Pacific Rim (2013 dir. Guillermo del Toro)

28 Jul

Three identical-looking soldiers star in the film the Power Rangers Movie could have been.

3/5

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Body Heat (1981 dir. Lawrence Kasdan)

24 Jul

Tache’d skirt-bagger pays tribute to Double Indemnity by nailing quality skirt.

3/5

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Society (1989 dir. Brian Yuzna)

15 Jul

How a Guardian reporter imagines the inner workings of the Conservative Party.

3/5

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Maniac 2012 (dir. Franck Khalfoun)

8 Jul

Like Lord of The Rings in reverse, with women’s scalps instead of jewellery.

3/5

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Poltergeist (1982 dir. Tobe Hooper)

29 Jun

Republican iconography gets overrun with dated video recording equipment.

3/5

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Cloud Atlas (2012 dir. Lana & Andy Wachowski and Tom Tykwer)

13 May

A spiritual game of ‘spot the actor’ across three centuries/hours.

3/5

IMDB

Hellraiser (1987 dir. Clive Barker)

10 May

A living human anatomy textbook tries to bond with sister-in-law.

3/5

IMDB

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