By Slick Nick
In a non-exclusive interview, professional brawler Alex Reid has gone on record to deny rumours that he looks a bit like Sid James.
Reid, whose profitable marriage to ITV2 monstrosity Katie Price now looks to be on the ropes, was said to be devastated at the comparisons between his own face and that of the beloved Carry On actor.
The two are said to both have ‘tired-looking’ eyes and similarly shaped noses, though the brash cockney persona of both the men was never called into debate.
Reid, 47, who is partly to blame for the British’s public’s interest in absurd UFC-style fighting contests, was quick to address the accusations in a press conference which took place in a west London Scout hut that didn’t have central heating.
He said: ‘The big flat nose I have is down to the overwhelming number of fights I’ve lost. It never used to be like this.’
‘We’ve got totally different hair. I sort of knew this day would come so have taken steps for years to maintain a totally un-Sid-like hairstyle.’
‘I’m not even a true cockney – it was all an act to get into Jordan’s well-used labia. I was brought up in Leatherhead and my real name is Tarquin.’
Alex Reid will likely be performing in a pantomime near you this Christmas.