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Keane return from Burma ‘just as dull as before’

16 Apr

By Slick Nick | @Poppeelings (inspired by @adamhopelies)

Caucasian pop legends Keane have returned unscathed and just as dull as before from an excursion to Burma, one of the few counties judges by the world’s media to be even more dangerous than the United Kingdom.

It was hoped that their patended brand of white, middle class piano pop would bring the country’s violence and beheadings to an end.

Armed with just a grand piano, some accoustic guitars, a full orchestra and some brown cardigans from Debenhams, the talented foursome sang their hearts out across the land. The music was described as ‘quite boring’ by many leading political figures and even the Karen rebels themselves.

"This one's for all of YOU": Keane frontman Tom Chaplin dedicates a number to Burmese genocide victims.

The group, who have been long-championed by Q Magazine and the Daily Telegraph, endured inhumane conditions to bring their award-winning songs to a new audience, such as having to wear the same Pringle t-shirt for two days in a row in some instances. The nearest branch of Starbucks was also reportedly ‘quite a long walk’ from their three-star hotel.

Whilst taking inspiration from the struggles of the Burmese people, Keane alpha male Thomas Chaplin was keen to assure his fans that the cherished safe pop of their current albums will not be neglected in favour of more uptempo, interesting, politically-motivated work.

He said: ‘Our next studio album will be more of the same. You’ll still be able to kick back with some Robinson’s cordial juice and unwind to the soft, unchallenging sound of Keane at full force.’

Astonishingly, whilst on his trip, Mr Chaplin was at one point mistaken for millionairre Conservative MP David Cameron by locals. It was said that ‘the glint in his eye that only someone with a very privaleged upbringing can pull off’ as well as similar hair and clothes, misled the Burmese into thinking a British invasion was taking place, and not the kind the Americans enjoyed in the 1960s.

Later this summer, Keane will be getting down to the business of organising transport and security for their first live album, set to be released during Christmas 2014. ‘Keane Live ‘n’ Loud in Sudan’ will feature a set-list comprising all their hit singles alongside newer material.

Yes Prime Minister: David Cameron addresses parliament in March 2012

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