Thor: The Dark World (2013 dir. Alan Taylor)

24 Nov

Star Wars the IKEA Menace.

2/5

IMDB

Lifeforce (1985 dir. Tobe Hooper)

16 Nov

British gents seek dangerous tits.

3/5

imdb

Once Upon A Time In Mexico (2003 dir. Robert Rodriquez)

14 Nov

All working Hispanics in Hollywood spin around and shoot each other.

2/5

IMDB

Roadhouse (1989 dir. Rowdy Herrington)

13 Nov

Professional face-kicker makes redundancies without HR consultation, then defeats unchecked capitalism.

2/5

IMDB

 

Combat Shock (1986 dir. Buddy Giovinazzo)

12 Nov

Like a knock-off Taxi Driver minus qualified editor.

2/5

IMDB

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005 dir. Shane Black)

11 Nov

A 2-hour rehearsal for Iron Man 3.

3/5

IMDB

Inside Man (2006 dir. Spike Lee)

10 Nov

Slick modern crime flick climaxes with film noir fuckfest.

3/5

IMDB

Side Effects (2013 dir. Steven Soderbergh)

6 Nov

Dishonest psychology in court.

3/5

IMDB

A Crude Awakening (2006 dir. Basil Gelpke & Ray McCormack)

5 Nov

The foretelling of the time when mankind will be forced to do more exercise.

2/5

IMDB

The African Queen (1951 dir. John Huston)

4 Nov

Well-toothed stars bond over naval warfare.

4/5

IMDB

Blow Out (1981 dir. Brian De Palma)

3 Nov

A wank over Hitchcock and sound engineering.

3/5

IMDB

Redacted (2007 dir. Brian De Palma)

2 Nov

Paranormal Activity meets Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.

2/5

IMDB

Deep Red (1975 dir. Dario Argento)

25 Oct

Bad plastering inflates act three.

3/5

IMDB

Religulous (2008 dir. Larry Charles)

20 Oct

A humerous look at two thousand years of mental illness.

4/5

IMDB

The Grapes of Wrath (1940 dir. John Ford)

15 Oct

Poor people evoke sympathy for being poor all the time during poor times.

4/5

IMDB

The Money Pit (1986 dir. Richard Benjamin)

14 Oct

Housing bubble proves fruitful for independent tradesmen.

2/5

IMDB

Runaway (1984 dir. Michael Crichton)

30 Sep

Infamous ‘tache has drawn out battles with the worst-looking robots in film history.

2/5

IMDB

Gilda (1946 dir. Charles Vidor)

29 Sep

Fucker of Shawshank slut gets job with punching instead of competency interviewing.

2/5

IMDB

The Searchers (1956 dir. John Ford)

28 Sep

Big racist plays himself in Lord of The Rings with dust.

5/5

IMDB

Elysium (2013 dir. Neil Blomkamp)

27 Sep

Thatcherism in space.

3/5

IMDB

Blitz (2011 dir. Elliot Lester)

8 Sep

Like a feature-length episode of The Bill, with even worse dialogue.

1/5

IMDB

Seven Samurai (1954 dir. Akira Kurosawa)

7 Sep

Mass slaughter in the name of carbohydrates.

5/5

IMDB

The Pit And The Pendulum (1991 dir. Stuart Gordon)

2 Sep

To keep Christ happy, several women are brutally tortured in possible UKIP voter’s fantasy.

2/5

IMDB

Warm Bodies (2013 dir. Jonathan Levine)

31 Aug

Music masks mediocrity.

2/5

IMDB

Sinister (2012 dir. Scott Derrickson)

24 Aug

Long-haired foster parent fails at You’ve Been Framed.

2/5

IMDB

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