Tag Archives: 1985

Lifeforce (1985 dir. Tobe Hooper)

16 Nov

British gents seek dangerous tits.

3/5

imdb

Ran (1985 dir. Akira Kurosawa)

16 Aug

Sitting and sword-fighting and shouting in feudal Japan.

5/5

IMDB

Demons (1985 dir. Lamberta Bava)

10 Feb

Muck-filled metaphor for the (literal) death of cinema audiences at the hands of digital media.

3/5

IMDB

Year Of The Dragon (1985 dir. Michael Cimino)

15 Jan

Chinamen summarise plot points and character traits constantly during business meetings.

3/5

IMDB

Prizzi’s honor (1985 dir. John Huston)

10 Dec

Hitman must face a lifetime of doing his own hoovering and washing up due to blood oath.

3/5

prizzi's honor

Witness (1985 dir. Peter Weir)

28 Nov

Han Solo enjoys hanging out with non shavers.

2/5

St. Elmo’s Fire (1985 dir. Joel Schumacher)

1 Aug

Sadly, German director uses ethnic minorities to underpin low points of well-dressed characters’ lives.

2/5

The Return Of The Living Dead (1985 dir. Dan O’Bannon)

25 Jun

Republican social policy enacted as working-class community gets nuked.

3/5

Jagged Edge (1985 dir. Richard Marquand)

17 May

Scribbler motivates defense lawyer by providing sex and squash sessions.

2/5

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985 dir. George Miller & George Ogilvie)

24 Apr

Lawrence of Australia turns into Hook halfway through.

2/5

O.C. And Stiggs (1985 dir. Robert Altman)

2 Mar

Moron duo use millitary hardware to bag skirt in suburbia.

2/5

Détective (1985 dir. Jean-Luc Godard)

28 Dec

Training strategy of Rocky Balboa mimicked, with tennis balls and bare tits replacing meat carcasses.

2/5

Brewster’s Millions (1985 dir. Walter Hill)

8 Oct

Baseball goon disappoints voters in near reverse Frank Capra caper.

3/5

Phenomena (1985 dir. Dario Argento)

23 Sep

Not unlike Doctor Doolittle with multiple stab wounds and rotting flesh.

3/5

Fright Night (1985 dir. Tom Holland)

4 Sep

Like a John Hughes flick with longer teeth and finger nails.

2/5

The Colour Purple (1985 dir. Steven Speilberg)

14 Aug

Tubby chatshow host threatens to disrupt domestic physical and mental abuse schedule in the middle of nowhere.

2/5

Flesh+Blood (1985 dir. Paul Verhoeven)

8 Jun

Mercenary team leader takes ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ seduction theory to extremes by raping and attempting to murder desired lady.

3/5

D.A.R.Y.L. (1985 dir. Simon Wincer)

23 Apr

Like The Terminator in a small town, minus puberty and multiple gun fatalities.

2/5

Friday The 13th: A New Beginning (1985)

12 Jan

Low income offspring and ethnic stereotypes make long overdue franchise debuts.

2/5

The Purple Rose Of Cairo (1985)

2 Jan

Blue-balled film character leaves movie and takes a beating in poorly choreographed fight sequence.

3/5

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)

12 Dec

Nemesis of middle American REM sleep re-enacts the crucifiction using jock paraphernalia.

2/5

Day Of The Dead (1985)

22 Nov

Zombie makes less stupid decisions than an experienced military captain.

3/5

%d bloggers like this: