Tag Archives: 1986

Combat Shock (1986 dir. Buddy Giovinazzo)

12 Nov

Like a knock-off Taxi Driver minus qualified editor.

2/5

IMDB

The Money Pit (1986 dir. Richard Benjamin)

14 Oct

Housing bubble proves fruitful for independent tradesmen.

2/5

IMDB

Highlander (1986 dir. Russell Mulcahy)

9 Aug

Braveheart in carparks follows the most 80s opening 3 minutes of cinema ever.

2/5

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From Beyond (1986 dir. Stuart Gordon)

17 Apr

Like a far less pleasant Matrix, with neon.

3/5

IMDB

Heartburn (1986 dir. Mike Nichols)

15 Mar

Boring life leads to boring biopic.

1/5

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Demons 2 (1986 dir. Lamberto Bava)

11 Feb

Slop-filled metaphor for how TV turns society into unthinking, violent drones.

2/5

IMDB

Hoosiers (1986 dir. Anspaugh)

12 Jan

Outsider wins over slightly hostile Christian farmers and bags slightly hostile skirt using basketball strategy.

2/5

IMDB

Class of Nuke ’em High (1986 dir. Richard W. Haines & Lloyd Kaufman)

28 Aug

Poor editing, titties and gags undermine damning indictment of American public school system.

2/5

Top Gun (1986 dir. Tony Scott)

4 Oct

Shot logistics overwhelm non-existent narrative in lengthy anal sex metaphor.

2/5

The Colour Of Money (1986 dir. Martin Scorcese)

20 Aug

Guided by ancient potter, Christ-like retail assistant makes a mint from pretending to be shit at billiards.

3/5

Peggy Sue Got Married (1986 dir. Francis Ford Coppola)

20 Aug

Italian-American beard’s Back To The Future, without incest or doomed sports car.

2/5

Salvador (1986 dir. Oliver Stone)

25 Jul

Hard drinking, hard fucking snapper gives away several nice watches on bullet-ridden holiday.

3/5

River’s Edge (1986 dir. Tim Hunter)

24 Jul

Long-haired Matrix Christ comes to terms with sex, murder and heavy metal in lumberjack town.

2/5

Heartbreak Ridge (1986 dir. Clint Eastwood)

29 May

Unorthodox leather-neck stops short of gunning down own platoon in order to secure vagina of ex-wife.

2/5

Wanted: Dead Or Alive (1986 dir. Gary Sherman)

12 May

Despite Aryan trenchcoat protagonist being reasonably well armed, dull crime thriller serves little action in fight to bring Kiss‘ perennial fanny-licker to justice.

1/5

Blue City (1986)

4 Feb

Bratpacker stretches audience sympathies to breaking point after committing ABH, arson, common assault, use of an unlicensed firearm in public, vandalism, theft, breaking & entering and murder in the space of eighty minutes.

1/5

Jason Lives: Friday The 13th Part VI (1986)

14 Jan

Worm-ridden mass murderer dispatches eclectic range of victims with unsatisfying off-screen violence.

1/5

Big Trouble In Little China (1986 dir. John Carpenter)

23 Dec

Future Sex And The City dick addict gets manhandled by knock-off Chewbacca after recruiting totally pointless supporting cast member.

3/5

Back To School (1986)

19 Dec

Jewish asperger’s sufferer interupts lectures after making a mint from chronic obesity.

3/5

Critters (1986)

9 Dec

Rubbish rock singer saves mid-western farm types from puppeted genocide.

1/5


Blue Velvet (1986)

9 Dec

Irritable x-rated Darth Vader boasts about sexual prowess in oddball suburbia.

4/5


Flight Of The Navigator (1986)

7 Dec

Sadistic aircraft, voiced by wank convict, traumatises family by holding effeminate son hostage for eight years in the name of intergalactic zoology.

2/5


Labyrinth (1986)

13 Nov

Commendable costume design and puppetry gets overshadowed by pop legend’s protruding ballsack.

3/5

Aliens (1986 dir. James Cameron)

29 Oct

Bald space marines make their global premier in ‘Nam allegory.

5/5

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