Tag Archives: 1998

I Stand Alone (1998 dir. Gaspar Noe)

13 Sep

Miserable old sod has a go at supporting cast members behind their backs.

3/5

Elizabeth (1998 dir. Shekhar Kapur)

29 Jun

Out of work TV actors endulge in factually inaccurate thespery.

3/5

Deep Impact (1998 dir. Mimi Leder)

20 Jun

Daytime TV collides with extinction.

2/5

Apt Pupil (1998 dir. Bryan Singer)

6 Feb

Heartwarming coming of age thriller sees unlikable teen and unlikable German bond over genocide.

2/5

Kurt & Courtney (1998 dir. Nick Broomfield)

19 Jan

Posh documentarian chats to down-and-outs about the death of grunge Christ.

2/5

Sphere (1998 dir. Barry Levinson)

16 Nov

2001/Event Horizon/Jaws ideas plagarised under water whilst Tarantino’s treasured African American enjoys acclaimed literature.

3/5

You’ve Got Mail (1998 dir. Nora Ephron)

5 Nov

Two scribbling book-sellers get their fuck on together after financially supporting Starbucks and AOL.

2/5

The Newton Boys (1998 dir. Richard Linklater)

13 Oct

Texan auteur of chatting makes an ill-advised venture into narrative film.

2/5

The Gingerbread Man (1998 dir. Robert Altman)

4 Aug

Old timer gets shot in the throat by thesp after failing to wear appropriate footwear for pottering about in forest.

3/5

Out Of Sight (1998 dir. Steven Soderbergh)

31 Jul

After enjoying playful roleplay fuckfest with career criminal, oustanding Hispanic constable carefullyguns down on/off boyfriend in expensive property.

3/5

Pi (1998 dir. Darren Aronofsky)

6 May

Jewish teacher’s pet struggles with advanced trigonometry due to insanity and excessive film grain.

2/5

Celebrity (1998 dir. Woody Allen)

12 Apr

Northern Irish thesp does Woody Allen impression amidst crampt conditions for fuckfesting.

2/5

Psycho (1998)

24 Mar

Film studio actively encourages blatant plagarism.

2/5

The Worst Albums Ever Made – ‘Mechanical Animals’ (1998) by Marilyn Manson

12 Feb

By Slick Nick

During the 90s, if you bought even one copy of Kerrang! magazine, you couldn’t help but be exposed to the monstrosity that was Marilyn Manson, who came to represent everything that could possibly go wrong when a bunch of lads entered a recording studio. They were everywhere, and the release of each new album was treated, ironically given their Satanist leanings, like the second coming of Christ himself by the press.

Manson, real name Brian Warner, was the very definition of style-over-substance, where looking like a dick and saying silly things in interviews could generate a shit ton of record sales even if the music on those records was as bad as that of ‘Mechanical Animals’, his third album.

With a lead singer that relied almost solely on image, and a group of cohorts all named after serial killers, it just screamed of childish attention seeking from the get-go, as if they knew they were never going to write any music that was worth listening to but couldn’t bare the thought of making the coffee in an office for the rest of their lives.

Growing up, a few things puzzled me about this band. Obviously the music had zero merit; it wasn’t particularly heavy, and there certainly wasn’t any melodies to remember . There was no sex appeal unless you happened to have a fetish for very ugly, under fed men. The instrumentation was basic and would never be admired by proggy muso types in the same way that something like Tool would have been. Yet the group’s army of misguided fans kept growing. Despite all their controversy, musically they had more in common with T Rex than Slayer, and the only shocking effect they had on the impressionable youth of the day was postponing their discovery of decent music for a few years. For myself, that band/act was Rod Stewart, but I digress slightly.

‘Mechanical Animals’ is an hour of inconsistent, incoherent balls. Every song starts and ends with noise, and inbetween fails to satisfy in every way. The vocals are the same monotonous, crap-sounding dirge, underpinned by sometimes glam/sometimes industrial but always dull nothingness. It’s so fucking slow and drawn-out as well, with each song about two minutes longer than necessary. Lead single ‘Dope Show’ is a particularly big offender; less music, more torture.

There are fleeting moments of listenable guitar work but these are over quickly to make way for more rubbish. It must have been frustrating having to make this album as a guitarist with someone as up themselves as Manson at the helm of the operation. I’m sure they consoled themselves with the buckets of money they made though.

Finally, the genre-skipping really winds me up. This can’t make up its mind as to whether it wants to wank over David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust material or be featured in a straight to DVD film in a scene where a load of douchebag characters enter an ‘alternative’ nightclub for the first time in their lives. If you’re going to dip into every genre found on allmusic.com then before you do so, you’d better make sure you’re some kind of fucking musical prodigy like Brian Wilson or Will.I.Am first, lest you end up with a piece of shit like ‘Mechanical Animals’ on your CV.

 

We’re all slaves in the… crap music show.

Happiness (1998)

19 Dec

Tubby Matt Damon look-a-like and general typecast bumbling assistant type enjoys depraved masturbation in lethargically paced suburban nightmare.

3/5

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