Tag Archives: 2009

The Shock Doctrine (2009 dir. Michael Winterbottom)

25 Nov

Sarah Palin look-a-like analyses broke Hispanics.

3/5

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Merantau (2009 dir. Gareth Evans)

29 Jan

A young peasant combats reaches adulthood by breaking countless knee and shoulder joints.

3/5

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Bride Wars (2009 dir. Gary Winick)

12 Aug

Two women with no redeeming features compete to waste the most money.

1/5

A Prophet (2009 dir. Jacques Audiard)

30 Apr

Like a French Shawshank Redemption, with more arterial blood spurts and less personal shopping.

5/5

Damage (2009 dir. Jeff King)

15 Apr

Intrigued by the prospect of big bucks and beating men at events attended by two dozen people, pro wrestler dispatches opponents with extremely unconvincing fight sequences.

2/5

Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past (2009 dir. Mark Waters)

12 Apr

Dickens ideas duplicated to drive sales of cheap DVDs forward.

1/5

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009 dir. Tom Six)

31 Oct

For the first time in history, the NHS is made to look appealing.

3/5

The Girlfriend Experience (2009 dir. Steven Soderbergh)

25 Sep

Genuine whore plays fictional whore in yarn about whoring.

3/5

Gamer (2009)

7 Sep

Like Avatar meets Call Of Duty, with unfulfilled Matrix aspirations.

1/5

The Ugly Truth (2009 dir. Robert Luketic)

4 Sep

Douchbag teaches career woman to appear more fuckable to GP before fucking her himself.

2/5

Capitalism: A Love Story (2009 dir. Michael Moore)

2 Sep

Socialist multi-millionaire with serious weight issues has a go at slightly better-dressed multi-millionaires on quirky road trip.

3/5

Where The Wild Things Are (2009 dir. Spike Jonze)

25 Aug

ADD sufferer and part-time ‘furry’ engages in multiple cardiovascular sessions with unclassified abominations.

3/5

Extract (2009 dir. Mike Judge)

14 Aug

Double team of aged groupie-licker and obliterated testicle threaten to ruin unfucked managing director’s near pointless manufacturing operation.

3/5

Up In The Air (2009)

20 May

Swuave sexer tours USA committing employment genocide whilst engaging in almost no-strings fuckery with corporate female type.

3/5

Precious (2009 dir. Lee Daniels)

19 May

Morbidly obese fried food guzzler seeks to reduce audience serotonin levels by giving birth to half-brother for the second time.

3/5

In The Loop (2009 dir. Armando Iannucci)

5 May

Finally, British film industry seeks inspiration outside of poverty and Hugh Grant.

4/5

Splice (2009 dir. Vincenzo Natali)

22 Apr

Fuelled by average music and empty calories, heavily-nostrilled scientist creates bum-headed abomination for medical advancement and ten minutes of full intercourse.

2/5

Friday The 13th (2009)

10 Apr

Producer Michael Bay surpasses himself by creating catalogue model characters even less sympathetic than masked serial killer.

3/5

The Firm (2009)

28 Mar

Like Goodfellas with colourful sportswear and street brawls, minus 90% of the wealth.

3/5

Brüno (2009)

18 Jan

Offensive gay makes American Idol judge watchable for five minutes before inviting low income Americans to humiliate themselves.

3/5

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