Tag Archives: British Film

Get Carter (1971 dir. Mike Hodges)

30 Nov

Lead cockney points his finger at supporting cast.

3/5

iMDB

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Scum (1979 dir. Alan Clarke)

29 Nov

Violent cockneys seek father figures.

4/5

IMDB

Sightseers (2012 dir. Ben Wheatly)

23 Aug

Bonnie & Clyde (with learning difficulties) meets Countryfile.

3/5

IMDB

Submarine (2010 dir. Richard Ayoade)

6 Feb

Two generations of beta males fail with women.

3/5

IMDB

Repulsion (1965 dir. Roman Polanksi)

26 Jan

Ancient photo causes unfucked lunatic to fend off fuck advances with homicide.

4/5

IMDB

Neds (2010 dir. Peter Mullan)

4 Jan

Like a less colourful The Firm, with near incomprehensible dialogue.

3/5

IMDB

I.D. (1995 dir. Philip Davis)

11 Aug

Surrounded by fucking Eastenders thesps, Fucking cockney becomes more fucking violent fucking cockney and asks that fucking eternal question several fucking times – ‘who are you?’

3/5

Closer (2004 dir. Mike Nichols)

3 Jul

Two guys and two girls fall instantly in love and all fuck each other.

3/5

Elizabeth (1998 dir. Shekhar Kapur)

29 Jun

Out of work TV actors endulge in factually inaccurate thespery.

3/5

Adulthood (2008 dir. Noel Clarke)

1 May

Same as Kidulthood, with slightly more punches and kicks to abdomens.

2/5

Shame (2011 dir. Steve McQueen)

21 Apr

Hung Irishman releases countless sperm cells, then cries, to classical music.

2/5

Best Laid Plans (2012 dir. David Blair)

11 Apr

Fisherman/cage fighter interupts chum’s fuck session with uddered street walker.

2/5

Bullet Boy (2004 dir. Saul Dibb)

10 Apr

An innocent boy avoids the path to becoming a Daily Mail headline.

2/5

Anuvahood (2011 dir. Adam Deacon)

5 Apr

Wannabe black pokes fun at blacks.

1/5

Rise of The Footsoldier (2007 dir. Julian Gilbey)

27 Mar

Uneducated heads explode several times as barrowboys ape Goodfellas.

2/5

Kill List (2011 dir. Ben Wheatley)

23 Mar

1970s pagan horror collides with Eastenders.

3/5

Cass (2008 dir. Jon S. Baird)

19 Mar

Man mountain throws hands with caucasians in the eighties.

2/5

Eden Lake (2008 dir. James Watkins)

15 Jan

Spawn of white van men ruin quiet weekend away for two Guardian readers.

2/5

9 Songs (2004 dir. Michael Winterbottom)

2 Oct

Young couple disperse unsimulated fuck sessions with several concerts of mediocre retro rockers in dangerous south London area.

2/5

The Witches (1990 dir. Nicolas Roeg)

30 Sep

Well-funded convention of hags ends with vermin genocide in lovely hotel managed by Mr Bean.

2/5

Kidulthood (2006 dir. Menhaj Huda)

30 Jul

All expected urban/ethnic youth cliches covered as Dazed & Confused meets Dizzy Rascal.

3/5

The Crying Game (1992 dir. Neil Jordan)

15 Jul

Reminiscent of Vertigo, with a surprising man sausage instead of false suicide.

3/5

Kes (1969)

1 Apr

Sadsack offspring of pit dwellers re-enact factually inaccurate soccer clash in the cold.

3/5

The Long Good Friday (1980)

16 Feb

Violent barrow-boy types looking for bombers show loyalty to crime manager by working on bank holiday.

4/5

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