Tag Archives: Cover letter

CV Tip #189 (Jimmy Saville)

4 Jun

A covering letter is not a platform for you to be puting the world to rights. It’s about demonstrating your skills and experience to potential employers in order to get them to actually read your CV, rather than deleting it.

So always avoid silly, vague, pointless quips such as this:

‘I believe in Jesus Christ and therefore I try to help people in need.’

CV Tip #40 (Christianty)

21 Oct

Always tailor an application form to your audience and pay particular attention to the country’s cultural diversity at all times. Spouting Biblical nonsense at any time is strictly forbidden:

‘Soft hearted but strong in my conviction and integrity., live a good healthy habit and most of all a God fearing and live a life with principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ.’

CV Tip #60 (Fisherman’s friend)

20 Oct

I can’t emphasise enough the importance of taking a few seconds to check over your spelling on a CV. If in doubt, have someone with a few working brain cells take a look; there’s no shame in it.

That way you’ll probably avoid the embarrassment of stating that one of your old jobs was as a ‘crap fisherman‘.

Either your spelling is fucked, or you just lack self esteem and aren’t selling yourself too well.

CV Tip #72 (Soaps)

18 Sep

It’s never a good idea to put a photo of yourself on a CV or covering letter for an application in the UK, even if you happen to be easy on the eyes. It just isn’t the done thing.

So, avoid doing this at all possible costs if you look a fucking main cast member from the Australian soap opera Prisoner: Cell Block H.

CV Tip #33 (When can we eat?)

16 Sep

From the opening statement on a CV: ‘I am looking to lunch in the public sector job.’

Apart from the disappointing use of the Queen’s English, you shouldn’t already appear to be thinking about your fucking snack breaks even before bagging an interview.

CV Tip #32 (Biased)

16 Sep

On a covering letter, it is slightly annoying having to read about how you admire the company products, sales and values, but this is still perfectly acceptable.

What isn’t acceptable is writing about how you use the product/s at a specific meal every fucking day because it is ‘my favourite’ – this demonstrates zero business acumen.

CV Tip #52 (Sunday School)

15 Sep

When wrapping up a CV, pay close heed to the order of activities listed in your interests, lest you leave some interesting images in the recruiter’s mind:

‘…other interests, church, Christianity, The Bible, motocross and enduro-rally…’

CV Tip #68 (I’ve got something to tell you)

13 Sep

When you’ve been working at managerial level for a few years, it’s expected that in an interview you’d be able to discuss a wide variety of examples to meet many different competencies.

So when you’re asked about a time where you had to give a difficult message to someone, and your response is ‘telling someone you love them‘, it will only serve to disappoint the interviewer.

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