Tag Archives: Fantasy

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013 dir. Tommy Wirkola)

18 Aug

Countless women receive face punches in Chris Brown-inspired Alpen commercial.

2/5

IMDB

Highlander (1986 dir. Russell Mulcahy)

9 Aug

Braveheart in carparks follows the most 80s opening 3 minutes of cinema ever.

2/5

IMDB

Oz The Great And Powerful (2013 dir. Sam Raimi)

7 Jul

Irritating fraud does battle with dictators using entertainment.

2/5

IMDB

Jack The Giant Slayer (2013 dir. Bryan Singer)

5 Jul

Daily Mail subject matter does battle with Sun readers using foliage.

2/5

IMDB

Beasts Of The Southern Wild (2012 dir. Benh Zeitlin)

22 Apr

A blurry look through innocent eyes at the creation of Maury Povich guests.

3/5

IMDB

Always (1989 dir. Steven Spielberg)

13 Dec

Pilot increases his lady’s fuckability tenfold before being blown to pieces.

2/5

IMDB

Troll Hunter (2010 dir. André Øvredal)

23 Jul

Miserable sod commits CGI massacre.

3/5

Conan The Barbarian (1982 dir. John Milius)

13 Jul

Bare tits, fucking and multiple stab wounds push 15-certificate to breaking point.

2/5

Edward Scissorhands (1990 dir. Tim Burton)

1 Jul

After being discovered by crap saleswoman, gothic gardener falls in with the wrong crowd.

3/5

Snow White And The Huntsman (2012 dir. Rupert Sanders)

27 Jun

Evil step-mother goes to great lengths to maintain fuckability.

2/5

Masters of The Universe (1987 dir. Gary Goddard)

1 Apr

Steroid user battles anorexic thesp in Star Wars knock-off.

1/5

Conan The Barbarian (2011 dir. Marcus Nispel)

24 Mar

After being born by c-section, cutter of many blood vessels hacks his way through plotless grease-a-thon.

1/5

Willow (1988 dir. Ron Howard)

22 Dec

Like a straight to video Lord of The Rings, with human child replacing possessed jewelery.

2/5

Hook (1991 dir. Steven Spielberg)

22 Nov

Hairy solicitor remembers pre-masturbation days with the help of badly brought up youths.

2/5

The Witches (1990 dir. Nicolas Roeg)

30 Sep

Well-funded convention of hags ends with vermin genocide in lovely hotel managed by Mr Bean.

2/5

Where The Wild Things Are (2009 dir. Spike Jonze)

25 Aug

ADD sufferer and part-time ‘furry’ engages in multiple cardiovascular sessions with unclassified abominations.

3/5

The Neverending Story (1984)

23 Feb

Despite promising the contrary, bullied bowl-cut fails to return to owner harrowing fairytale book featuring poorly dubbed abominations.

2/5

%d bloggers like this: