Mildly amusing Jews interupt each other.
By Slick Nick | @Poppeelings
Around this time last year, I wrote a preview of the forthcoming year’s Adam Sandler releases, which all turned out to be critical and box office successes. Now, with the birth of a new year still only a distant memory, it is time once again to explore what the next 12 months holds for the Happy Madison production machine.
Adam (February 2013)
A character-driven drama with a simple title and even simpler premise, Adam Sandler writes, directs, produces and stars in Adam, the story of an everyday Brooklynite struggling to find employment amidst the worst global recession for a hundred years.
He visits every coffee shop and mob hangout in the block, CV in hand, asking about employment opportunities. No one wants to know, except for a few managers (including a cameo by Kevin James), who agree to interview him. Herein lies the film’s major innovation – there is absolutely no exposition at all apart from that which occurs during the job interviews. Who is this man? What skills does he have? Does he represent the company values of Big Kev’s Coffee Conglomerate? These are the questions which will hopefully put bums on seats in the theatres, and Oscars in the hands of its stars, for Adam.
Meet The Embyros (April 2013)
One of the major pre-summer releases sees Adam Sandler star in this prequel to monster hit Meet The Parents, which he also co-wrote, about a young Jack (De Niro’s no nonsense father character) in the prime of his CIA years, conducting espionage on Bolivia’s stem cell capabilities in the mid 1970s. Sandler will star as his goofy, office-bound sidekick, who feeds Jack intelligence and mission prompts from a distance using his primitive Apple Mac computer.
Naturally the two characters couldn’t be more different. For example, Jack turns out immaculately suited and booted at all times whereas Sandler’s character is likely to forget to even pack a tie. This tension leads to the big questions posed by act three – will Jack be led to certain torture and death at the hands of his idiotic accomplice? And will it be on purpose or down to sheer idiocy?
Rumours of a Look Who’s Talking style interaction between newborns thrown into a dustbin by dastardly Bolivian scientists (headed by Benicio Del Toro) remain high due to reports of Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill having recently exited a recording studio together.
COPZzz (July 2013)
The big summer action comedy from Happy Madison sees Adam Sandler write, direct, produce and star in a light-hearted pastiche of 2012’s indie smash End of Watch. Sandler is an experienced, successful detective, working the mean streets of Pensylvania. His new partner played by Kevin James has narcolepsy and at times struggles to fit in the squad car due to his considerable bulk. Together, they will get up to mildly amusing adventures such as investigating a suspicious lump of dogshit left on the sidewalk at night.
Mountain Jew (September 2013)
The onset of winter will see this appropriately scheduled indie release, in which Adam Sandler stars as Seth Goldenbergman, a mentally challenged Jew from Queens New York who decides to put his physical strength to good use – by climbing mount Everest using only Mountain Dew for fuel.
The gruelling principle photography demanded Sandler, who also writes, directs and produces, work out every day for an entire week in order to prepare fully for the role.
Upon returning to America, Seth is flooded with requests and samples for corporate sponsorhip from fast food giants, which sees him touring the restaurants of KFC, Mcdonalds, Burger King et al scouring the opportunities for the best deal. Audiences are expected to fill theatres this year anticipating seeing unusual products in certain establishments. Will it be a Quarter Pounder in Burger King or a Whoppa in the golden arches? Since alternative versions have been shot to prevent spoilers, it remains to be seen.
What we do know is the winning corporation will then be lobbied by Seth to only stock Mountain Dew as its sole beverage. We envisage a Mr Smith Goes To Washington style finale with orange soda instead of youth groups.
The Madison Massacres (Nov 2013)
Finally, the year ends with an unusual genre choice for the Happy Madison machine – a comedy horror, written and directed by and starring Adam Sandler. Sandler, playing himself, is pursued by a derranged Kevin James, also playing himself, exacting jealous carnage on the star and his fans. James will play a fridge-sized maniac hellbent on destroying all six people in North America that own every Happy Madison film on DVD, before tracking down Sandler himself in the final act. Expect mildly amusing deaths and a PG-13 rating.
Who will the audience side with emotionally? Sandler, a likable protagonist or James, whose actions could bring an end to any further Happy Madison films ever getting made? Early reports claim test audiences were veering mostly towards the latter.