Tag Archives: Nicole Scherzinger

NEWS BULLSHIT – BITESIZE

7 Nov

By Slick Nick | @Poppeelings

We proudly present three world exclusive bitesize news stories from the exciting world of celebrity and entertainment.

Scherzinger eyes up Adams

Pop super slut Nicole Scherzinger is rumoured to be considering professional darts player Martin ‘Wolfie’ Adams as a potential mate.

The news comes as the sultry singer has ended her four year relationship with racing driver Lewis Hamilton, on the cusp of him no longer being the world’s number one at his given sport.

Adams: Will he succumb to Scherzinger's charms?

Adams, currently the world’s number one darts player, is said to be ‘well up for’ a lunch date at a Sutton branch of Pizza Express with Scherzinger, whose recent single ‘Wet’ was supposedly written about her emotional and physical state after Adams’ last 180 throw.

Blonde ‘distraught’ at taking 45 minutes to finish off Cocozza

X Faxtor’s starlet Frankie Cocozza is no stranger to a woman’s warmth, only this time it appears to have backfired, as a mystery blonde the singer took ‘backstage’ to a pub carpark has expressed her dismay at taking nearly an hour to make the Brighton local reach climax.

Idiot: Cocozza's sex face

The never-ending sex act occured just minutes after Cocozza made love to another fan in the very same carpark to celebrate another below average performance on the prime time ITV show.

His latest conquest, an Asda retail assistant, will be seeking councelling to help cope with her ordeal.

Katona’s relationship with frying pan ‘in trouble’

The whirlwind romance between ITV2 legend Kerry Katona and a frying pan bought for her by a friend from their local alcoholics anonymous group is said to be hanging by a thread.

The pair, who were due to marry later this month, have temporarily seperated in order to rekindle the spark that ignited their hearts in the first place.

One (bottle) for the road: Katona drinks to ease the pain

Katona’s spokeswoman said: ‘They don’t seem to communicate. Kerry makes all the effort.’

‘Then again, you’d expect that when you’re in a relationship with what is essentially a chunk of inorganic matter.’

1 Year Anniversary: Hilarious Blog Search Terms

30 Oct

By Slick Nick

@Poppeelings

I’ve done this blog for one year now.

Blogging about such diverse topics as film, music, reality TV, more films and then even more films, the sheer variety of search terms used to find this dump is understandable. I really wish I didn’t have visibility of some of them though, such is my already low opinion of humanity and the general public. The shit below just makes me despair.

This isn’t all of the search terms, but the ones I found the most amusing.

The JLS stripper could do a good one, as he can’t sing or write music either:

‘marvin humes duck impression’

Can’t really argue with this one:

‘amy childs is thick as shit’

If she did, it must have been the London South Bank – the worst Uni in the country:

‘where did amy childs go to uni’

Straight to the point. Nice:

‘amy childs tits’

I think it’s a myth:

‘amy childs education’

Yeah, don’t believe everything you read. Especially on this blog:

‘amy childs guest lecturer 2005’

Show her some respect. Honestly:

‘amy childs pussy’

Well, you’ve come to the right place for that:

‘worst albums ever recorded’

For the sake of humanities continued evolution, I hope so:

‘does olly murs masturbate’

Rough estimate is fuck all:

‘olly murs net worth’

Why would anyone want to see that?

‘olly murs erection’

Ok this was another ‘interview’ I made up but I’m sure it was factually accurate:

‘olly murs wank interview’

Doubt it, not on a prime time ITV weekend show that’s supposedly about music:

‘olly murs x factor masturbate throughout’

Really? I’d say it’s hard work listening to his music, but that’s it:

‘olly murs makes me hard’

So why not try and meet him in person to put that proposal to him instead of typing it into Google?

‘i want to wank olly murs’

I’m sure if it was recorded, it would go to at least number three in the charts:

‘olly murs having a crap’

Olly Murs: Cunt?

Thank you. Another straight shooter:

‘olly murs is shit’

Good luck with that one:

‘olly murs erect’

Oh so you’ve heard his album as well?

‘olly murs fail’

That I would love to see:

‘ollie murs cock slip’

He’s a cockney, from Essex, with white skin. I wonder what the answer could possibly be:

‘olly murs ethnicity’

I’m sure he loves the Bugatti petrol money even more:

‘simon cowell loves olly murs’

Now hang on a second. this one just reaks of jealousy:

‘ron jeremy a piece of shit’

Ron Jeremy

Was it the photos of him oiled up and half naked that led to that conclusion?

‘aston merrygold gay’

I think a better question may be is anyone of them straight?

‘is anyone in jls gay’

Ok. Enjoy?

‘toilet roll wanking’

Don’t think this one works:

‘toilet roll albums’

If by ‘wanking’ you mean ‘sobbing’, then I’m sure he does it a great deal now:

‘matt cardle wanking’

Well they’re all crap, so go ahead and take your pick:

‘marilyn manson worst album’

I wouldn’t put it past them:

‘teen girls masturbate over one direction’

The front cover is the least of it’s problems. Poor Noel Gallagher:

‘dig out your soul is a shit album design’

Oh I cannot wait to join this group. I love watching twats standing around on a field for eight hours occasionally hitting balls around:

‘facebook friends cricket ground application’

Personally I think the pop charts now are the best they’ve been since around 1995:

‘wank pop’

I know this one was done on purpose, but it’s still pretty amusing:

‘slick nick america’s most wanted’

I literally cannot think of anything worse to do with my leisure time:

‘bognor regis butlins punk weekend 2012’

As opposed to softcore?

‘hardcore fucking’

Another Marilyn Manson fan perhaps?

‘erotic self crucifiction’

Don’t worry, Olly Murs can help you with that one I think:

‘severe case of blue balls’

Every word of this one made me do a lol:

‘jewish cowboy gay sex xposition’

Yep, two of the members appear to be:

‘n-dubz tits’

Probably the same reason people don’t like having someone shit into their ears; it’s unpleasant:

‘why do people not like mechanical animals’

Mechanical Animals: Like someone shitting in your ear

Fucking hell, make your mind up:

‘pics of jocks covered in shit -women -girls -milfs -panties -girl -she -babes -boys’

Sadly, one that isn’t switched off:

‘what microphone do they use on x factor uk’

You must have missed her video for ‘Wet’ then?

‘nicole scherzinger naked’

Didn’t know she owned any:

‘nicole scherzinger showing her knickers’

Give it a few years and maybe one will get released:

‘nicole scherzinger sex video’

Scherzinger: Respected artist

Bit of everything, I’d say:

‘nicole scherzinger ethnicity’

Ha! Good luck with that one. At least wait until she gets dropped from her record label in 12-18 months:

‘nicole scherzinger masturbtion video’

Calm down, there’s no hurry:

‘fuck women hardcore sex’

Hmmm… I guess the latest issue of Heat magazine has that covered:

‘famous+stars+shit’

Yes, I’m sure a song that was on daytime circulation non-stop during the summer had full frontal nudity:

‘when bruno mars pulls up his pants on lazy song does his weener pop out’

Do they even have video cameras over there? Wow, you learn something new every day.

‘turkish porn movie’

Can’t argue with that to be honest:

‘harry styles is ugly’

Pretty much all of them:

‘ugly photo of harry styles’

Ask any woman under 40 at the Colchester Whetherspoon’s pub for some details:

‘matt cardle penis’

Ask most the lads on the Chalk Farm estate for some details:

‘tulisa n dubz tits’

For the novelty, I have to say I wouldn’t mind seeing some of this:

‘turkish porn 1960’

Couldn’t bring themselves to write a rude word, even alone on the internet. How endearing:

‘stroking wee-wees’

Cher Lloyd? The walking skeleton? Whatever gave you that idea?

‘is cher lloyd anorexic’

I think the kids not looking their narrative ages is the least of the film’s problems:

‘in cheaper by the dozen how old are the kids supposed to be 2003 remake’

Um… Walt Disney? Just a hint:

‘animals saying things’

Ok:

‘movie hollywood premature ejaculation’

I thought they were in good shape due to coming here and working harder than British nationals. At least that’s what I read in the Daily Mail:

‘obese polish man’

I doubt images of hardcore fucking would be considered ‘pop’:

‘every second of deep throat turned into pop art’

Steve Brookstein, is that you?

‘simon cowell cunt’

Job-hunting? Well they say it’s a full-time job in itself:

‘joe mcelderry current job’

John Goodman, Rosanne, Michael Moore, Jack Black, Kevin James… these are educated guesses:

‘famous diabetics’

Kevin James: Loves his insulin injections

Love the politness here. I would have just seached ‘fat fuckers’:

‘heavy set couples’

Was that a Steve Martin flick?

‘fucking the bride’

I wonder what that film is about:

‘2 for 1 anal sex . . . starring: nora davis tags’

Three stone? Maybe four stone at the end of the day:

‘cher lloyd weight estimate’

I’d say it’s a given:

‘harry styles wanking’

Do you mean like giving them a bad mark on a paper? And not letting them out of class when the bell goes?

‘teacher fucking student’

Yeeeeeah so let’s write dumb things into the Google search bar!

‘yeeeeeeah it’s friday’

It's Friday!

Indeed. Fuck it. Fuck it in the ear:

‘fuck “aliens 3″‘

Spelling and decade fail here:

‘liam gallegher 1920 x’

NON EXCLUSIVE! Rejected Nicole Scherzinger sex song titles uncovered

8 Aug

By Slick Nick

@Poppeelings

Pop music fans were left appalled last night at the rejected ideas for Nicole Scherzinger songs, revealed by an ex-employee of her management company.

The 43-year old temptress portrays a risque image at the best of times, but these sexually explicit concepts are thought to push the boundaires even for her.

Titles such as ‘I am Here To Be F****d’, ‘Begging For Manmeat’, ‘Ten Things I Want To Do With Your D**k’ and ‘Play With My P****’ were proposed for her debut album ‘Killer Love’ which was released earlier in the year to largely indifferent reviews.

Filth: Half naked snaps increase record sales

The song titles were uncovered when ex-associate Richard Wilkes, 50, forwarded emails from the time of the album’s recording to news editors around the world.

Wilkes was asked to leave the independent music management company Pop Sluts Inc. in April this year after failing to provide enough baby oil for one of Miss Scherzinger’s video shoots.

He said: ‘When I saw these depraved ideas, I thought it was some kind of joke.’

‘Then I saw the look in Nicole’s heavily made-up eyes, a look of sheer lustful hunger; I knew she was deadly serious.’

So how does he feel about the turn of events?

‘It’s a shame we’re no longer working alongside each other but frankly, with the money I’ve earned cashing in on my story, I won’t need paid employment for at least another 14 months.’

Nicole Scherzinger’s latest video can be found playing in most teenage boys’ rooms to accompany their masturbation sessions.

There’s a broad that doesn’t need to turn on Christmas lights in shopping centers to further her music career. Yet.

2 Dec

She looks like a popstar

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