Mildly amusing Jews interupt each other.
By Slick Nick | @Poppeelings
Around this time last year, I wrote a preview of the forthcoming year’s Adam Sandler releases, which all turned out to be critical and box office successes. Now, with the birth of a new year still only a distant memory, it is time once again to explore what the next 12 months holds for the Happy Madison production machine.
Adam (February 2013)
A character-driven drama with a simple title and even simpler premise, Adam Sandler writes, directs, produces and stars in Adam, the story of an everyday Brooklynite struggling to find employment amidst the worst global recession for a hundred years.
He visits every coffee shop and mob hangout in the block, CV in hand, asking about employment opportunities. No one wants to know, except for a few managers (including a cameo by Kevin James), who agree to interview him. Herein lies the film’s major innovation – there is absolutely no exposition at all apart from that which occurs during the job interviews. Who is this man? What skills does he have? Does he represent the company values of Big Kev’s Coffee Conglomerate? These are the questions which will hopefully put bums on seats in the theatres, and Oscars in the hands of its stars, for Adam.
Meet The Embyros (April 2013)
One of the major pre-summer releases sees Adam Sandler star in this prequel to monster hit Meet The Parents, which he also co-wrote, about a young Jack (De Niro’s no nonsense father character) in the prime of his CIA years, conducting espionage on Bolivia’s stem cell capabilities in the mid 1970s. Sandler will star as his goofy, office-bound sidekick, who feeds Jack intelligence and mission prompts from a distance using his primitive Apple Mac computer.
Naturally the two characters couldn’t be more different. For example, Jack turns out immaculately suited and booted at all times whereas Sandler’s character is likely to forget to even pack a tie. This tension leads to the big questions posed by act three – will Jack be led to certain torture and death at the hands of his idiotic accomplice? And will it be on purpose or down to sheer idiocy?
Rumours of a Look Who’s Talking style interaction between newborns thrown into a dustbin by dastardly Bolivian scientists (headed by Benicio Del Toro) remain high due to reports of Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill having recently exited a recording studio together.
COPZzz (July 2013)
The big summer action comedy from Happy Madison sees Adam Sandler write, direct, produce and star in a light-hearted pastiche of 2012’s indie smash End of Watch. Sandler is an experienced, successful detective, working the mean streets of Pensylvania. His new partner played by Kevin James has narcolepsy and at times struggles to fit in the squad car due to his considerable bulk. Together, they will get up to mildly amusing adventures such as investigating a suspicious lump of dogshit left on the sidewalk at night.
Mountain Jew (September 2013)
The onset of winter will see this appropriately scheduled indie release, in which Adam Sandler stars as Seth Goldenbergman, a mentally challenged Jew from Queens New York who decides to put his physical strength to good use – by climbing mount Everest using only Mountain Dew for fuel.
The gruelling principle photography demanded Sandler, who also writes, directs and produces, work out every day for an entire week in order to prepare fully for the role.
Upon returning to America, Seth is flooded with requests and samples for corporate sponsorhip from fast food giants, which sees him touring the restaurants of KFC, Mcdonalds, Burger King et al scouring the opportunities for the best deal. Audiences are expected to fill theatres this year anticipating seeing unusual products in certain establishments. Will it be a Quarter Pounder in Burger King or a Whoppa in the golden arches? Since alternative versions have been shot to prevent spoilers, it remains to be seen.
What we do know is the winning corporation will then be lobbied by Seth to only stock Mountain Dew as its sole beverage. We envisage a Mr Smith Goes To Washington style finale with orange soda instead of youth groups.
The Madison Massacres (Nov 2013)
Finally, the year ends with an unusual genre choice for the Happy Madison machine – a comedy horror, written and directed by and starring Adam Sandler. Sandler, playing himself, is pursued by a derranged Kevin James, also playing himself, exacting jealous carnage on the star and his fans. James will play a fridge-sized maniac hellbent on destroying all six people in North America that own every Happy Madison film on DVD, before tracking down Sandler himself in the final act. Expect mildly amusing deaths and a PG-13 rating.
Who will the audience side with emotionally? Sandler, a likable protagonist or James, whose actions could bring an end to any further Happy Madison films ever getting made? Early reports claim test audiences were veering mostly towards the latter.
By Slick Nick | @Poppeelings
No cinema would be complete without a few dozen Adam Sandler masterpieces to show during a year. 2012 promises to be one of the busiest in the Jewish comedian’s release schedule, and Pop Peelings is proud, no, honoured, to be bringing a sneak preview of upcoming titles.
Christ on A Bike (March 2012)
Adam Sandler writes, directs, produces and stars in a light-hearted comedy depicting Jesus of Nazareth’s final days on Earth before being brutally killed. Playing Jesus himself, Sandler’s yarn shows the son of God befriending a Roman soldier, played by Seth Rogen.
Whilst the pair bond over a shared bicycle, which helps the soldier to lose weight and win over the the girl of his dreams in a side story, the film ends on a slight downer as Jesus is tortured relentlessly before being hammered into a giant wooden cross and left to rot in the baking sun. A longer sequel is currently being written by Judd Apatow for a summer 2015 release, depicting how Rogen’s now wife deals with his idiotic Jewish friends who are not as funny to be around as they think.
Fatman (May 2012)
Adam Sandler writes, directs and stars in the one film that’s as hotly anticipated amongst dorks as The Avengers Dark Knight Returns; a superhero parody. The first of it’s kind from Sandler, Fatman sees the Waterboy star depict a dangerously overweight insurance salesman that turns to a life fighting crime after his manager refuses to pay out after a massacre at a Californian mansion damages the walls of the house.
Whilst dressed in a Wal-Mart Batman costume, he uses his considerable bulk to apprehend villains, often with mildly amusing consequences. For example, one crook, played by Rob Schneider in a cameo role, gets completely wedged between Fatman’s butt crevice rendering himself unable to escape until the police arrive, during which time the pair engage in a bout of name-calling that lasts around seventeen minutes. This apparently had test audiences holding their sides with laughter.
A McDonald’s tie in promotion will launch with the McFatburger meal, essentially a triple quarter pounder washed down with a bucket of vanilla milkshake.
James In 2015 (August 2012)
Starring Kevin James, Adam Sandler writes, directs and produces this low-key post-summer character portrait of two days in the life of the future Kevin James. With no work coming in, no girlfriend and existing in a one-bedroom apartment in the Bay Area, James will give a moving performance as a fridge-sized man at the very brink of total despair.
Sandler promises ‘real tears’ from his star, who will spend much of the movie watching old Saturday Night Live clips of him and his friends being occasionally mildly amusing in the 90s. A leaked trailer showed him sitting, watery-eyed, gazing up at a magestic Zookeeper poster adorned on the wall, longing for the life he once knew.
Cheer Up (September 2012)
Adam Sandler writes, directs, produces and stars in this nostalgic tale that takes place in the weeks following 9/11. Sandler plays plucky but mentally disabled firefighter Kenny McGoldblum, a kilt-wearing Jew that gathers loved ones of the victims fatally crushed by 30,000 tonnes of steel and concrete in weekly ‘cheer up’ sessions, where he does silly things to evoke laughter, including a hilarious Scottish accent.
Will he be able to bring a smile to the faces of the heartbroken supporting cast by being mildly amusing on occasions? This is the tension that Dreamworks hopes will encourage movie goers to pay to see Cheer Up later this year.
Career Suicide (November 2012)
Finally, Adam Sandler writes, produces, directs and stars in a light-hearted melodramatic comedy rom-com chick flick. He and his wife, Sarah Jessica-Parker, have it all – health, wealth and an enviable house in the suburbs. When they are both made redundant from high powered jobs due to the global recession, they are forced to do something they have not done since the early days of their relationship; spend time together.
When they realise, through a series of mildly amusing skits, that they have grown apart, they look to take part in a joint suicide, rather than bring shame on their respective families by going through a messy divorce.
Jonah Hill will star as the lovable spoilt kid caught in the middle.
By Slick Nick | @Poppeelings
This time of year is notable for two things; lengthier and more numerous episodes of soap operas, and people posting their lists of the best and shittest things of the year on the internet.
I don’t want to be negative for a change so instead I present the below official list, after much deliberation, of my top 5 films of 2011. What a treat the last 12 months has been for film buffs, despite clunkers like Warrior and Rise of The Planet of The Apes.
5. The Green Hornet
Seth Rogen cements his repuation as the greatest actor of his generation yet again with this, his finest performance to date. His conflicted hero must decide whether to use his man servant’s skills in the kitchen or on the street in a gripping neo-noir crime yarn featuring some of the best fight sequences to hit a cinema since the original Karate Kid’s climactic final sports montage in 1984.
Alongside the scathing social commentary which mocks the government’s ability to handle street thuggery, Rogen injects the action with his ‘loud Jew’ patented brand of humour.
Despite it only being seen by a handful of single men, Green Hornet remains a triumph of pure Hollywood blockbuster cinema.
4. Just Go With It
No ‘best of’ list would be complete without the cutting wit of an Adam Sandler romantic comedy – step forward, ‘Just Go with It’, and take a bow, for you have delivered two hours of belly laughs and heart, essentially a ‘Before Sunrise’ for the Jersey Shore generation.
We are thrust head first into a familiar world, that of a filthy rich plastic surgeon using lies and trickery in order to secure regular access to a much younger female’s mating holes, whilst illustrating modern society’s consumerist tendencies. Lust, deception, greed… this film has it all, along with one of Jennifer Aniston’s more remarkable post-Rachel-from-Friends performances in which she depicts a slightly older, skinnier Rachel from Friends.
3. The Dilemma
The surprise heavy drama hit of the year, this is bound to scoop an overwhelming bounty of awards come Oscar season, and yet ‘The Dilemma’ is always a film that knows what it is. The minimalist narrative is simply a springboard for the character-driven tale to take shape, in which a man with testicles for eyes must decide whether or not to tell his blubbery best friend that his girlfriend’s cervix has been used as a dumping ground for the sperm cells of another suitor.
Naturally, I was gripped whilst the film built towards its thrilling conclusion.
Stars Vince Vaughn and Kevin James build exemplary screen chemistry together by looking alike and talking very fast at all times, something rarely seen in contemporary cinema.
A challenging spectacle, the tonally uneven genre stance (comedy? drama? romance?) left many of the dozens who saw this a little bewildered, but it’s really the repeat viewings that unravel the little intricacies of ‘The Dilemma’ to a satisfying end. Also worthy of note is Channing Tatum’s inclusion in which the chiselled thesp delivers another world class cameo.
2. The Smurfs
Many dismissed this action epic as a ‘crap’ kids flick, but rest assured, it is more than the sum of its parts. ‘The Smurfs’ deals with hard-hitting issues like racial tension, immigration and incest, all the while encouraging its audience to improve their diet by consuming large amounts of M&Ms.
The fictional community of the Smurfs, built on traditional Christian values, finds itself colliding head-on with the modern technologically-driven corporate governed New York City. Alpha male Papa Smurf finds his authority tested and his followers on the brink of revolution until a couple of open-minded liberal humans step in to help defeat the ringleader named Gargamel, who represents the threat of globalisation on indigenous populations and the developing world. I can’t quite remember but I believe he promises the tribe more than one female per village.
This is heavy stuff. A kids flick? I think not. ‘The Smurfs’ functions as a challenging indictment of America’s foreign policy, and is bloody hilarious in places. When Gargamel cannot function in a retail outlet, I couldn’t help but applaud the subtle irony.
1. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1
One of the year’s low-key releases, this latest installment in the never-ending Twilight narrative is quite simply one of the greatest films ever made. From start to finish, it is a heart-stopping journey into the lives of minority groups in modern America.
The compelling relationship between a vampire and a caucasian female reaches its thrilling conclusion as the pair wed in a touching hour, which inspires hope for the future whilst riffing on liberal immigration issues, particularly that of mixed race marriages.
Most are accepting and even encouraging of this partnership, but a small band of werewolves, representing the conservative right, are not. The film takes the viewer into unknown territory when it is revealed that the female lead has been inseminated and is due to spawn a half human, half vampire abomination. Elements of horror cinema creep into the fray as director Bill Condon flips the entire movie on its head half way through. Not since the French classic ‘Martyrs’ has a film offered such an unpredictable viewing experience.
‘Breaking Dawn – Part 1’ may be heavy on subtext, allegory and sex, but it still delivers a climax for the ages; a seven minute fight between some vampires and werewolves which doesn’t appear to resolve anything at all. Does this function as a set-up for another sequel, or does it merely serve to underpin the futility of violence in the age of the internet? All I know is that if we are lucky enough to be gifted with another Twilight movie, I will be in the front of the queue on release day at my local multiplex, 3D glasses in hand!