Tag Archives: Tom Cruise

Collateral (2004 dir. Michael Mann)

11 Oct

Taxi Driver, minus pimp genocide, goes all Rear Window in act three.


Vanilla Sky (2001 dir. Cameron Crowe)

21 Feb

Like a eutopian Matrix, with pastel colours and intercourse.


Top Gun (1986 dir. Tony Scott)

4 Oct

Shot logistics overwhelm non-existent narrative in lengthy anal sex metaphor.


Cocktail (1988 dir. Roger Donaldson)

28 Sep

Fuelled by endless rock ‘n’ roll covers, barman/fighter/poet/business schollar’s carefree life gets complicated by unplanned fetus with disguised Republican offspring.


The Colour Of Money (1986 dir. Martin Scorcese)

20 Aug

Guided by ancient potter, Christ-like retail assistant makes a mint from pretending to be shit at billiards.


The Outsiders (1983 dir. Francis Ford Coppola)

10 Jun

Despite absence of Karate Kid, oiled street toughs defeat Republican types in much-hyped fist fight.


Rain Man (1988 dir. Barry Levinson)

8 May

Archetypal 80s yuppie shithead introduces vulnerable idiot genius to gambling, skirt and maple syrup on Oscar-y road trip.


Born On The Fourth Of July (1989 dir. Oliver Stone)

30 Apr

Angry Vietnam archetypes bond over gambling, wheelchairs and tequila, after lead shouter offends mother with detailed penis monologue.


A Few Good Men (1992)

25 Mar

Amateurish military lawyer struggles to get proper baseball game started whilst defending two US army cliches in beautiful court room.


Minority Report (2002)

1 Jan

Washed-out dystopian future inspires cutting edge Xbox peripheral.


Lions For Lambs (2008)

12 Dec

Salaries of heavyweight acting titans playing chatty know-it-alls means little budget remains for action sequences.


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