Tag Archives: War

Redacted (2007 dir. Brian De Palma)

2 Nov

Paranormal Activity meets Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.

2/5

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Red Dawn (2012 dir. Dan Bradley)

6 Apr

Corporate fast food helps all-American sports fans defeat communism.

2/5

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The Flowers of War (2012 dir. Zhang Yimou)

23 Dec

Like a prettier Schindler’s List, with great grandmothers of iPod makers.

3/5

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Uncommon Valor (1983 dir. Ted Kothceff)

25 Jul

Like a Rambo 4 blueprint, minus squibs and disembowlments.

2/5

War Horse (2011 dir. Steven Spielberg)

13 Mar

Like Saving Private Ryan with agriculture.

3/5

Why We Fight (2005 dir. Eugene Jarecki)

5 Feb

Pleasant liberals quietly challenge imperialism and Frank Capra.

4/5

Stripes (1981 dir. Ivan Reitman)

23 Dec

Young Ghostbusters complete mission on cinema’s least dangerous battlefield.

3/5

Soldier Of Orange (1977 dir. Paul Verhoeven)

26 Nov

Queen of phlegm-throats gets treated to live PG-13 sex show in London.

2/5

The Bridge On The River Kwai (1957 dir. David Lean)

13 Nov

British gent plans and executes gross act of terrorism on another British gent’s impressive civil engineering feat.

4/5

Good Morning, Vietnam (1987 dir. Barry Levinson)

1 Oct

Like One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest collided with Capital FM and replaced baseball ban with annoying catchphrase.

3/5

Dear John (2010 dir. Lasse Hallström)

20 Sep

Lack of antagonist, conflict and bare tits, renders lifeless romance flick entirely pointless.

0/5

Cross Of Iron (1977 dir. Sam Peckinpah)

2 Sep

Montage master risks losing audience empathy early on due to featuring character list made almost entirely of Nazis.

3/5

Zulu (1964 dir. Cy Endfield)

20 Aug

New record is set for greatest number of bare tits and gun fatalities depicted in a PG-rated picture.

3/5

Heaven & Earth (1993 dir. Oliver Stone)

12 Aug

Persistent G.I. whisks sexual peasant girl away from hell to experience the euphoria of canned food.

3/5

Battle: Los Angeles (2011 dir. Jonathan Liebesman)

5 Aug

An ethnically diverse gang of U.S. Army cliches defends standard sci-fi location against thirsty terrorist faction from ILM hard-drives.

3/5

Cold Mountain (2003 dir. Anthony Minghella)

25 Jun

To appease Academy Award judging panel, southern drawls adopted and civil war clobber adorned by cast of various nationalities.

3/5

The Thin Red Line (1998 dir. Terrence Malick)

11 Jun

Virtually every male actor active in the 90s gets shot at on beautiful nature trail.

4/5

Heartbreak Ridge (1986 dir. Clint Eastwood)

29 May

Unorthodox leather-neck stops short of gunning down own platoon in order to secure vagina of ex-wife.

2/5

Casualties Of War (1989 dir. Brian De Palma)

26 May

Harrowing ‘Nam flick sees irritable marine types forced to endure intercourse without foreplay.

3/5

Born On The Fourth Of July (1989 dir. Oliver Stone)

30 Apr

Angry Vietnam archetypes bond over gambling, wheelchairs and tequila, after lead shouter offends mother with detailed penis monologue.

4/5

Black Book (2006 dir. Paul Verhoeven)

3 Mar

Tit-happy auteur brings patended brand of ultraviolent soap opera plus Biblical imagery to Nazi war criminals.

3/5

The Kingdom (2007)

15 Jan

Compelling history lesson gives way to fun Call Of Duty inspired death-a-thon.

3/5

Letters From Iwo Jima (2006)

30 Dec

Residents of doomed beach community bond over sunbathing and suicide.

4/5

Flags Of Our Fathers (2006)

30 Dec

Hispanic lightweight embarrasses war heroes on ambitious pub crawl.

4/5

Lions For Lambs (2008)

12 Dec

Salaries of heavyweight acting titans playing chatty know-it-alls means little budget remains for action sequences.

3/5


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