Blitz (2011 dir. Elliot Lester)

Like a feature-length episode of The Bill, with even worse dialogue.

1/5

Jeff, Who Lives At Home (2011 dir. Jay & Mark Duplass)

Tubby Christ figure evokes miracles for blood relatives only.

3/5

The Artist (2011 dir. Michel Hazanavicius)

Europeans pay tribute to dead Americans without vocal chords or widescreen.

4/5

A Separation (2011 dir. Asghar Farhadi)

The Iranian version of How Clean Is Your House gets complicated.

4/5

One Day (2011 dir. Lone Scherfig)

A fuckfest many years in the making, underpinned by appalling television shows.

2/5

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (2011 dir. Stephen Daltry)

Splattered father helps weird son overcome shyness by making him hang out with the homeless in Central Park at night.

1/5

Killer Joe (2011 dir. William Friedkin)

Self-employed sheriff humiliates Jerry Springer guests with fast food.

3/5

Once Upon A Time In Anatolia (2011 dir. Nuri Bilge Ceylan)

Like a modern Stand By Me, with old Turks replacing all-Americans.

3/5

Take Shelter (2011 dir. Jeff Nichols)

Like Twister with all fun and flying cattle removed.

2/5

 

Win Win (2011 dir. Thomas McCarthy)

Tubby beta plays tubby alpha of non Hulksters.

2/5

Carnage (2011 dir. Roman Polanski)

Relationships come under strain due to projectile vomitting.

3/5

The Change-Up (2011 dir. David Dobkin)

Shit in mouth leads to lawyer wanting to swap perfect life with underachieving forehead.

2/5

Young Adult (2011 dir. Jason Reitman)

Whilst drinking Diet Coke and writing on an Apple Mac and taking calls on a Blackberry and eating in KFC, sociopathic scribbler tries to fuck ex boyfriend.

3/5

The Lincoln Lawyer (2011 dir. Brad Furman)

Quiet petrol-head ensures the streets remain riddled with human vermin.

3/5

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011 dir. Tomas Alfredson)

Frightfully well-spoken thesps drive audience to bemusement.

2/5

The Help (2011 dir. Tate Taylor)

Tell-tale book leads to rising unemployment amongst Tom & Jerry maids.

3/5

Hall Pass (2011 dir. Bobby & Peter Farrelly)

The hunt for different fuck partners saves two marriages.

2/5

The Raid: Redemption (2011 dir. Gareth Evans)

Multiple joints, bones and internal organs destroyed as cops dispense justice Syrian-style.

4/5

J. Edgar (2011 dir. Clint Eastwood)

Senior cop shouts less and kisses fewer men as further prosthetic flesh is stuck to his face.

2/5

The Cabin In The Woods (2011 dir. Drew Goddard)

New king of Hollywood makes a mockery of ancient horror flicks.

3/5

Real Steel (2011 dir. Shawn Levy)

Challenging champ without first entering sports montage sees bowlcut suffer defeat in Rocky/Terminator 2 rip-off.

2/5

Shame (2011 dir. Steve McQueen)

Hung Irishman releases countless sperm cells, then cries, to classical music.

2/5

Machine Gun Preacher (2011 dir. Marc Forster)

Violent builder takes dangerous vacation in Africa.

2/5

The Sitter (2011 dir. David Gordon Green)

Selfless Jew puts the lives of children at risk to aid mother’s fuck mission.

2/5

The Muppets (2011 dir. James Bobin)

Abominations save non-landmark with light entertainment.

3/5