Tag Archives: 2012

The Impossible (2012 dir. Juan Antonio Bayona)

29 Nov

Whites playing Hispanics get soaked in the pursuit of Oscar glory.

3/5

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Sinister (2012 dir. Scott Derrickson)

24 Aug

Long-haired foster parent fails at You’ve Been Framed.

2/5

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Sightseers (2012 dir. Ben Wheatly)

23 Aug

Bonnie & Clyde (with learning difficulties) meets Countryfile.

3/5

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Maniac 2012 (dir. Franck Khalfoun)

8 Jul

Like Lord of The Rings in reverse, with women’s scalps instead of jewellery.

3/5

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Flight (2012 dir. Robert Zemeckis)

23 Jun

Thesp shows us it’s ok to fly aircraft whilst under the influence of drink and drugs as long as you tell someone about it afterwards.

2/5

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Playing For Keeps (2012 dir. Gabriele Muccino)

10 Jun

Indulgent Scot chooses family over football and fanny.

1/5

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Cloud Atlas (2012 dir. Lana & Andy Wachowski and Tom Tykwer)

13 May

A spiritual game of ‘spot the actor’ across three centuries/hours.

3/5

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John Carter (2012 dir. Andrew Stanton)

12 May

Athletic longhair must fight for tribesmen to prevent a gang rape.

2/5

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The Five-Year Engagement (2012 dir. Nicholas Stoller)

11 May

Big Jew bags half decent skirt twice despite delivering poor quality fuck sessions.

1/5

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American Pie: Reunion (2012 dir. Jon Hurwitz & Hayden Schlossberg)

9 May

Actors glad of the work evoke nostalgia in a world where all girls blossom to become hot sluts.

2/5

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Beasts Of The Southern Wild (2012 dir. Benh Zeitlin)

22 Apr

A blurry look through innocent eyes at the creation of Maury Povich guests.

3/5

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Ruby Sparks (2012 dir. Jonathan Dayton & Valerie Faris)

14 Apr

Perennial beta male proves that the perfect woman doesn’t exist.

3/5

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ParaNorman (2012 dir. Sam Fell & Chris Butler)

11 Apr

The Sixth Sense merges with Night of The Living Dead in Jew-voiced town.

2/5

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Red Dawn (2012 dir. Dan Bradley)

6 Apr

Corporate fast food helps all-American sports fans defeat communism.

2/5

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Killing Them Softly (2012 dir. Andrew Dominik)

5 Apr

A stylish look at gunshot wounds and Obama’s rise to power.

3/5

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Wreck-It Ralph (2012 dir. Rich Moore)

3 Apr

A gay dictator is overthrown with the help of food marketing.

4/5

IMDB

The Master (2012 dir. Paul Thomas Anderson)

11 Mar

Foreheaded veteran of bumbling assistant parts relishes playing the alpha male for once.

4/5

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Battleship (2012 dir. Peter Berg)

7 Mar

To win over future father-in-law, douchebag must save the world from bar rock and the full force of ILM hard drives.

2/5

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The Sessions (2012 dir. Ben Lewin)

3 Mar

Lay-about uses nostalgia to enjoy brief fuckfests.

4/5

IMDB

That’s My Boy (2012 dir. Sean Anders)

30 Jan

Deadbeat Jew makes friends and influences people using beer marketing slogan.

2/5

IMDB

The Imposter (2012 dir. Bart Layton)

28 Jan

Spaniard goes to great lengths to experience junk food and rodeos.

3/5

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Django Unchained (2012 dir. Quentin Tarantino)

25 Jan

Chinned hero of film students replaces trademark lengthy walking scenes with lengthy horse riding scenes.

4/5

IMDB

Silver Linings Playbook (2012 dir. David O. Russell)

25 Jan

A loving family help their son overcome mental illness using gambling and sports jerseys.

4/5

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Lawless (2012 dir. John Hillcoat)

24 Jan

Various stars get their faces punched in the name of tramp juice.

3/5

IMDB

Zero Dark Thirty (2012 dir. Kathryn Bigelow)

23 Jan

Reuters spoils dramatic Call of Duty/Blair Witch finale.

4/5

IMDB

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