This is The End (2013 dir. Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg)

Mildly amusing Jews interupt each other.

3/5

48 Hrs. (1982 dir. Walter Hill)

Future gravel throat pairs with future star of flops to walk quickly from scene to scene.

2/5

Demolition Man (1993 dir. Marco Brambilla)

Muscleheads spoil a eutopian future with poorly realised fight scenes.

2/5

The Wild One (1953 dir. László Benedek)

Bikers terrorise smalltown types with outlandish headwear.

4/5

Obsession (1976 dir. Brian De Palma)

Hitchcock wankfest inspires Old Boy.

3/5

Lifeforce (1985 dir. Tobe Hooper)

British gents seek dangerous tits.

3/5

Once Upon A Time In Mexico (2003 dir. Robert Rodriquez)

All working Hispanics in Hollywood spin around and shoot each other.

2/5

Roadhouse (1989 dir. Rowdy Herrington)

Professional face-kicker makes redundancies without HR consultation, then defeats unchecked capitalism.

2/5

 

Combat Shock (1986 dir. Buddy Giovinazzo)

Like a knock-off Taxi Driver minus qualified editor.

2/5

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005 dir. Shane Black)

A 2-hour rehearsal for Iron Man 3.

3/5

Inside Man (2006 dir. Spike Lee)

Slick modern crime flick climaxes with film noir fuckfest.

3/5

Side Effects (2013 dir. Steven Soderbergh)

Dishonest psychology in court.

3/5

The African Queen (1951 dir. John Huston)

Well-toothed stars bond over naval warfare.

4/5

Blow Out (1981 dir. Brian De Palma)

A wank over Hitchcock and sound engineering.

3/5

Redacted (2007 dir. Brian De Palma)

Paranormal Activity meets Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.

2/5

Religulous (2008 dir. Larry Charles)

A humerous look at two thousand years of mental illness.

4/5

The Grapes of Wrath (1940 dir. John Ford)

Poor people evoke sympathy for being poor all the time during poor times.

4/5

The Money Pit (1986 dir. Richard Benjamin)

Housing bubble proves fruitful for independent tradesmen.

2/5

Runaway (1984 dir. Michael Crichton)

Infamous ‘tache has drawn out battles with the worst-looking robots in film history.

2/5

Gilda (1946 dir. Charles Vidor)

Fucker of Shawshank slut gets job with punching instead of competency interviewing.

2/5

The Searchers (1956 dir. John Ford)

Big racist plays himself in Lord of The Rings with dust.

5/5

The Pit And The Pendulum (1991 dir. Stuart Gordon)

To keep Christ happy, several women are brutally tortured in possible UKIP voter’s fantasy.

2/5

Warm Bodies (2013 dir. Jonathan Levine)

Music masks mediocrity.

2/5

Sinister (2012 dir. Scott Derrickson)

Long-haired foster parent fails at You’ve Been Framed.

2/5

Olympus Has Fallen (2013 dir. Antoine Fuqua)

Multiple film careers kept on life-support by Die Hard rip-off.

3/5