Religulous (2008 dir. Larry Charles)

A humerous look at two thousand years of mental illness.

4/5

The Promotion (2008 dir. Steven Conrad)

Middle managers make life slightly difficult for each other in the pursuit of one shit job.

2/5

Taken (2008 dir. Pierre Morel)

To save his daughter from fuck sellers, big Irish destroys countless throats and shoulder sockets in France.

3/5

Bronson (2008 dir. Nicolas Winding Refn)

Surreal tale charts Inception carrot-dicked gent’s parcipitation in world’s worst dance floor in mental asylum.

2/5

Adulthood (2008 dir. Noel Clarke)

Same as Kidulthood, with slightly more punches and kicks to abdomens.

2/5

Four Christmases (2008 dir. Seth Gordon)

Safe couple bring positives and negatives to four broken American mid-west households in December.

2/5

Cass (2008 dir. Jon S. Baird)

Man mountain throws hands with caucasians in the eighties.

2/5

Eden Lake (2008 dir. James Watkins)

Spawn of white van men ruin quiet weekend away for two Guardian readers.

2/5

A Complete History of my Sexual Failures (2008 dir. Chris Waitt)

Permanently flacid scruff seeks sympathy from previous fuck partners.

3/5

Tyson (2008 dir. James Toback)

Heavily built raper takes feature length interview on his face-punching heyday.

2/5

Where in The World is Osama Bin Laden? (2008 dir. Morgan Spurlock)

Big Mac addict confirms that life in violent, poverty-stricken dust bowls is pretty bad.

3/5

Hancock (2008 dir. Peter Berg)

African American Superman disguises identity with tramp-wear instead of Buddy Holly spectacles.

2/5

The Dungeon Masters (2008 dir. Keven McAlester)

Disturbing documentary sees arguably the lowest scrapings of human society leave their bedsits for a couple of days to play Hero Quest together.

3/5

What Just Happened (2008 dir. Barry Levinson)

Cinematic dog shooting and controversial facial hair almost ruin various fictional Hollywood careers.

3/5

Sicko (2007 dir. Michael Moore)

Bearded abortion enthusiast takes some sick Americans on budget cruise.

3/5

Changeling (2008 dir. Clint Eastwood)

Boy’s unsnipped knob triggers dull mystery of inept coppers dispatching wrong child to thick-lipped telephone engineer in oldern days.

2/5

The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008 dir. Scott Derrickson)

Matrix Christ brings boredom to armageddon.

2/5

W. (2008 dir. Oliver Stone)

Driven by country music and full sugar soft drinks, grown-up Goonie becomes world’s most powerful cattle rancher.

3/5

10,000 BC (2008 dir. Roland Emerich)

Excessive subtitle use tricks audience into thinking they’re watching a poor example of world cinema.

2/5

Superhero Movie (2008 dir. Craig Mazin)

Initially witty piss-take of comic characters and websites succumbs to age-old ethnic stereotyping and fart gags.

2/5

JCVD (2008)

Belgian star of countless mediocre flicks plays himself… in mediocre Belgian-set flick.

2/5

Milk (2008)

Playful rat face stands up for rights to enjoy anal sex without suffering police brutality in postcard location.

3/5

The Happening (2008)

Civilization, and career of long surnamed movie maker, face annihilation due to windy grass.

2/5

The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008)

With abominations in tow, public school types defend rubble pile from evil Hispanic emperialists.

2/5

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

Exotic but poorly acted rom-com raises more penises than chuckles.

2/5