Tag Archives: Crime

Trance (2013 dir. Danny Boyle)

22 Dec

Like Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind with immaculately shaved genitals.

3/5

IMDB

Get Carter (1971 dir. Mike Hodges)

30 Nov

Lead cockney points his finger at supporting cast.

3/5

iMDB

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005 dir. Shane Black)

11 Nov

A 2-hour rehearsal for Iron Man 3.

3/5

IMDB

Inside Man (2006 dir. Spike Lee)

10 Nov

Slick modern crime flick climaxes with film noir fuckfest.

3/5

IMDB

Gilda (1946 dir. Charles Vidor)

29 Sep

Fucker of Shawshank slut gets job with punching instead of competency interviewing.

2/5

IMDB

Blitz (2011 dir. Elliot Lester)

8 Sep

Like a feature-length episode of The Bill, with even worse dialogue.

1/5

IMDB

Body Heat (1981 dir. Lawrence Kasdan)

24 Jul

Tache’d skirt-bagger pays tribute to Double Indemnity by nailing quality skirt.

3/5

IMDB

The Sting (1973 dir. George Roy Hill)

11 Jun

Card shuffling to ragtime.

4/5

IMDB

Grifters (1990 dir. Stephen Frears)

21 Apr

Two similarly-styled sluts seek affection from an 80s heart throb.

2/5

IMDB

Zodiac (2007 dir. David Fincher)

18 Apr

Ensemble cast seek violent scribbler in a mustard-coloured world.

4/5

IMDB

Killing Them Softly (2012 dir. Andrew Dominik)

5 Apr

A stylish look at gunshot wounds and Obama’s rise to power.

3/5

IMDB

The Maltese Falcon (1941 dir. John Huston)

4 Apr

Smooth talkers punch faces and drive narrative whilst barely changing location.

4/5

IMDB

Lucky Number Slevin (2006 dir. Paul McGuigan)

5 Mar

Ensemble cast wasted at the expense of coolness.

2/5

IMDB

The Big Heat (1953 dir. Fritz Lang)

4 Mar

In dystopian post-war America, non-smilers struggle to reach intended people first time on the phone.

4/5

IMDB

Animal Factory (2000 dir. Steve Buscemi)

1 Feb

Legendary chin is forced to eat own defecation to reunite with younger look-a-like.

2/5

IMDB

Lansky (1999 dir. John McNaughton)

20 Jan

The changing of ages and actors of characters every ten minutes makes narrative difficult to follow.

2/5

IMDB

The Last Days Of Frankie The Fly (1996 dir. Peter Markle)

19 Jan

Mr Blonde attempts to expand fuck video business.

2/5

IMDB

Year Of The Dragon (1985 dir. Michael Cimino)

15 Jan

Chinamen summarise plot points and character traits constantly during business meetings.

3/5

IMDB

Savages (2012 dir. Oliver Stone)

31 Dec

Legendary director paints south Americans in a bad light for once.

3/5

IMDB

End of Watch (2012 dir. David Ayer)

29 Dec

Like a modern Colors, without colours.

3/5

IMDB

Colors (1988 dir. Dennis Hopper)

25 Dec

Two cops make countless blacks get on their knees with their hands behind their heads.

2/5

IMDB

Prizzi’s honor (1985 dir. John Huston)

10 Dec

Hitman must face a lifetime of doing his own hoovering and washing up due to blood oath.

3/5

prizzi's honor

Bad Boys (1983 dir. Rick Rosenthal)

9 Dec

Long-haired delinquent helps Jewish room mate develop lung cancer.

3/5

bad boys

 

Cop Land (1997 dir. James Mangold)

7 Dec

Bloated ensemble cast avoid motoring convictions in Bruce Springsteen nightmare.

4/5

cop land

 

Killer Joe (2011 dir. William Friedkin)

16 Nov

Self-employed sheriff humiliates Jerry Springer guests with fast food.

3/5

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