By Slick Nick | @Poppeelings
Those looking for gift ideas this Christmas need worry no more, for the highly anticipated debut book by Olly Murs detailing the singer’s most advanced methods of self gratification will be available in time for December 25th.
Destined for the best seller lists, Mr Murs’ Guide To W**king has been maligned by troubles from the start. Sources close to the cockney claim the frequent delays were due in part to him wanting to practice and hone his craft to perfection before getting his methods down on paper.
Now puting the finishing touches, literally, to his work, Mr Murs, 31, is reportedly ‘exhausted but happy’.
Members of the Murs Army, a collection of mostly unattractive white teenage girls on Twitter, are hotly anticipating the title, as they are keen to learn exactly why so many fans of good music frequently dismiss their idol as ‘just a w**ker’.
And what of Mr Murs’ inspiration to pen such a controversial title?
‘When you make so many music videos starring women many times out of your league, it’s hard to resist the urge to make use of that welcoming box of tissues by your bed as you spend another cold night alone.’ commented Murs.
‘When I eventually get dropped from my record label, at least I will have masturbation to fall back on.’
The Olly Murs Guide To W**king will be available from all good kebab shops from December 10th.