CV Tip #16

Always spell your own fucking name right on an electronic application form, especially if the name only has five letters.

“Louis I have to push for an answer. Which one of these contestants is most likely to lose a foot to diabetes in the next ten years?”

Definitely worth having a final sing-off

“Catch the falling cheese burgers Mary! LOL only joking, I’ve called security to have you escorted from the premises.”

Big boned, and the bones are covered in meat and old skin

“Yesssss! Another week where I don’t have to beg my wealthy and disappointed parents for pocket money!”

For one week, no more painting

“We wear silly clothes to disguise how lacklusture and lazy our latest single is.”

Effort, but not in the creation of sing songery

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs (2009)

Profoundly gifted scientific genius is made to feel guilty by sadsack Dad with short legs.

3/5

Mad Max 2 (1981)

Sadistic hockey fan stuns wastelanders by maintaining competitive bodybuilding physique without access to gym or supplements.

4/5

“OK motherfuckers, get ready for my hand to come away from the mic! I just hope all the seats here are bolted down.”

What will she think of next?

“Just strumming along on my guitar using power chords that would take any simpleton a week to learn! I am a serious musical artist.”

Just wait until he does a solo